So Single Ladies has been picked up by Examiner.com. I am now the National Pick Up Examiner. Check my articles at http://www.examiner.com/x-12807-Pick-Up-Examiner
Same stuff plus more.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Getting Stood Up
That is never a good feeling. Here are the sad, embarrassing details...
Jackie and I planned to go on a cabin trip this past weekend in Virginia. The plans were extremely shifty and flaky, as usual. I talk about Jackie in The Date and in This Is Why They Don't Call . Of course, I overlook the flakes and go with my emotions, after having a lovely evening together and wanting to do it again.
The cabin trip was to last from Friday through Sunday morning. I told Jackie I was going to go to VA on Thursday in order to visit WL#1. She lives in Northern VA, 3hours from my parents home in NJ and 4 hours from our cabin. A perfect halfway point and addition to my weekend adventure. I arrived at WL#1's home and we started evaluating Jackie's flaky actions. Here is what I had been dealing with:
1. Taking forever to book a cabin and then doing it the night before I leave.
2. Receiving text messages not pertaining to the cabin, but instead emotional commentary.
3. Late night phone calls.
4. A whole lot of talk and not enough action.
As I got into bed anxious for the following day I decided that this cabin trip would be the last thing I did with Jackie for good, because he was way too complicated for me. I believe that any bond you have with a person should be a give and take and not leave you wondering constantly about the status of the relationship.
I woke up at 7am and my sixth sense was punching me in the stomach. After stewing on all the possibilities for a few hours I finally got up to take a shower and hopefully wash away my worries. When I got out of the shower, I looked at my phone and saw that I had a series of text messages from Jackie. The accumulated messages stated that he was very sorry because he had to go to Tennessee for a last minute job interview for the position of Associate Dean of a University. He could not reschedule with them and felt bad about canceling our trip. He did not want to hear the disappointment in my voice so hence the text messages and he would call me right before the interview which was to be at 2pm.
WTF! Ladies, I felt like I had been left at the alter. 3 hours and $50 dollars worth of gas and tolls had been wasted on this piece of shit of a man. I texted back three words.
Lose My Number
I sat on WL#1's bed for 30minutes thinking about my next move. I beat myself up for falling so easily into the hands of a player and thought about how I was going to tell my readers. WL#1 was a saint. We sat and talked for another hour so I would be calm enough to drive 3 hours back to NJ. The weather mirrored my mood perfectly. Water aggressively hit my windshield and several cars lined the highway with tow trucks behind them. Then there was me, tightly gripping the steering wheel and replaying the week events and conversations with Jackey over and over in my head.
When I got home I talked to my mother and she told me to send an email so that he knows he can not do that to other friends. So I did. I have a problem with always trying to be nice to people. Well this time I let that go and let him have it. I still don't feel good. I am hurt, but of course I learned plenty from the situation.
1. Do not put your guard down too quickly. Even if they SEEM to really be a good person. Its events like these that make us not trust the opposite sex. So do not allow yourself to get into a situation where you ended up hating an entire gender because of one person's stupid and awful actions.
2. If the signs are there do not take them for granted. Just because the person says the right things, does not mean they will follow them up with action. A few examples: Texts throughout the day, phone calls late at night, never making plans, creating excuses for their actions or lack of action more than once.
3. Allow the opposite sex you are interested in plan the ENTIRE date or event to show that they are actually in for good. Once again actions speak louder than words. People must show FULL commitment within a situation.
I don't believe Jackey's Tennessee crap for an instant or anything else he told me in the course of these three weeks that we were in contact. Luckily, I still have a bit of faith in the male race. So Sistayvonne is on the prowl once more. Stay on the lookout.
Jackie and I planned to go on a cabin trip this past weekend in Virginia. The plans were extremely shifty and flaky, as usual. I talk about Jackie in The Date and in This Is Why They Don't Call . Of course, I overlook the flakes and go with my emotions, after having a lovely evening together and wanting to do it again.
The cabin trip was to last from Friday through Sunday morning. I told Jackie I was going to go to VA on Thursday in order to visit WL#1. She lives in Northern VA, 3hours from my parents home in NJ and 4 hours from our cabin. A perfect halfway point and addition to my weekend adventure. I arrived at WL#1's home and we started evaluating Jackie's flaky actions. Here is what I had been dealing with:
1. Taking forever to book a cabin and then doing it the night before I leave.
2. Receiving text messages not pertaining to the cabin, but instead emotional commentary.
3. Late night phone calls.
4. A whole lot of talk and not enough action.
As I got into bed anxious for the following day I decided that this cabin trip would be the last thing I did with Jackie for good, because he was way too complicated for me. I believe that any bond you have with a person should be a give and take and not leave you wondering constantly about the status of the relationship.
I woke up at 7am and my sixth sense was punching me in the stomach. After stewing on all the possibilities for a few hours I finally got up to take a shower and hopefully wash away my worries. When I got out of the shower, I looked at my phone and saw that I had a series of text messages from Jackie. The accumulated messages stated that he was very sorry because he had to go to Tennessee for a last minute job interview for the position of Associate Dean of a University. He could not reschedule with them and felt bad about canceling our trip. He did not want to hear the disappointment in my voice so hence the text messages and he would call me right before the interview which was to be at 2pm.
WTF! Ladies, I felt like I had been left at the alter. 3 hours and $50 dollars worth of gas and tolls had been wasted on this piece of shit of a man. I texted back three words.
Lose My Number
I sat on WL#1's bed for 30minutes thinking about my next move. I beat myself up for falling so easily into the hands of a player and thought about how I was going to tell my readers. WL#1 was a saint. We sat and talked for another hour so I would be calm enough to drive 3 hours back to NJ. The weather mirrored my mood perfectly. Water aggressively hit my windshield and several cars lined the highway with tow trucks behind them. Then there was me, tightly gripping the steering wheel and replaying the week events and conversations with Jackey over and over in my head.
When I got home I talked to my mother and she told me to send an email so that he knows he can not do that to other friends. So I did. I have a problem with always trying to be nice to people. Well this time I let that go and let him have it. I still don't feel good. I am hurt, but of course I learned plenty from the situation.
1. Do not put your guard down too quickly. Even if they SEEM to really be a good person. Its events like these that make us not trust the opposite sex. So do not allow yourself to get into a situation where you ended up hating an entire gender because of one person's stupid and awful actions.
2. If the signs are there do not take them for granted. Just because the person says the right things, does not mean they will follow them up with action. A few examples: Texts throughout the day, phone calls late at night, never making plans, creating excuses for their actions or lack of action more than once.
3. Allow the opposite sex you are interested in plan the ENTIRE date or event to show that they are actually in for good. Once again actions speak louder than words. People must show FULL commitment within a situation.
I don't believe Jackey's Tennessee crap for an instant or anything else he told me in the course of these three weeks that we were in contact. Luckily, I still have a bit of faith in the male race. So Sistayvonne is on the prowl once more. Stay on the lookout.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Creativity in Dating: Tips for Men
Two of my male friends brought up excellent points about this experiment I have been conducting. Here is a quote from my boy "O":
"I see it (dating) as part of the racket called "the materials economy" but that i like to call "the bar-fashion-hookup industrial complex". like the military-industrial complex and the prison-industrial complex, it has wormed its way into what is otherwise a very natural process (channeling our attraction for/repulsion from each other, meeting needs for physical excitement and enjoyment, finding short- and long-term partnership, and even-- dare i believe it-- big love) and turned it into an overly staged and insecurity-inducing mechanism that's almost engineered to make money for various allied industries-- including media, alcohol, tobacco, drugs (legal and otherwise), real estate, music, and fashion-- while keeping you, your friends, and the guys who would otherwise date you isolated from each other via a concocted, maze-like complex of "dos-and-don'ts." the cruel irony is that it's not engineered for your and my desire, and especially not for black positionality; it's geared toward creating a place for concentrated moneymaking a distraction from really tough political choices. and, for my money, it leaves out the spontaneous-- the very stuff of love-- and the kind of stuff that we need for healing."
In layman's terms this means dating is something created by society that instead of helping us, hinder us, and gives money to "The Man".
I have to say I do agree with parts of this but at the same time I feel as if it is also an easy way to get out of the whole dating scheme. I agree that the whole, guy has to pay for dinner and movies shpeal has been created by the dating gods and at times can help the economy more than the couple at hand. Also, the nightlife scene gives everyone anxiety since they are facing a possible sea of rejection. But if we don't get together how do we get to know a guy? How do we know how much he is willing to give of himself to a lady? Actions speak louder than words and the dating scene has pushed men to do more than just talk about what they are about.
Women enjoy attention and spontaneity. If men actually took the time to PLAN something different for a date with ladies they would save money and see the woman's true colors.
For example, today, my dread locked friend invited me to hang out with him in Philly. Here's the dialogue:
Dreads: You wanna hang out?
Me: Sure, what are we going to do?
Dreads: "What do you want to do?"
Me: "I do not know Philly so you pick something." (I was also thinking in my head, "dummy you are the one that invited me to come hang out with you.")
Dreads: "Ummmm we can chill and watch a movie".
I enjoy movies but the hell I am going to some man's house just to "chill". The translation of that statement is "let me get in your pants". I do not take offense to it, because he is a man and had his first taste of my chocolaty goodness and wants to see how much farther he can actually get.
Me: Movies aren't really my thing. Can you think of something else because I do not know Philly.
Dreads: Let me think about it and Ill call you back.
(One Hour Later)
Dreads: Maybe we can go get something to eat.
Me: Its such a beautiful day out today maybe we can do something outside. ( I said this to hopefully get his brain juices working to find something else)
Dreads:OK
By the time I reach Philly, 40minutes later, he still has no idea what to do. I refuse to open my mouth, because I gave him a unique experience as written in my last piece. He then says we can run up the steps of The Art Museum a la Rocky. Yes! He finally gets it. I don't need you to spend money on me, I need you to spend a rich experience with me.
We hop in his car and head towards downtown. We pass by Fairmount Park which looks ridiculously gorgeous and vast so I switch it up and say lets grab a blanket and some ice cream and chill here. Once again, I planned the date, but at least he got a step forward in the whole original dating thing.
So we went to the park, talked, ate ice cream, sunbathed, and took a walk along a gravel path. Gentleman, this is what ladies want. Something sweet, unique, simple and fun. You do not have to shell out a thousand dollars or create an extravagant night. We want you to plan the evening and make it special for the two of us. Its not that hard people.
So I do believe in dating and I believe that the idea that it has been warped to benefit "The Man" is true. But I also believe that men have warped it to this state because they refuse to step out of the box and go the extra mile to plan an original date. As for going out to find a lady and the anxiety it instills on all parties, well this happens regardless of whether you are at a bookstore, Laundromat, or bar. It just happens that nightspots have a large concentration of it because it is random people out on the town for a good time and adventure.
"I see it (dating) as part of the racket called "the materials economy" but that i like to call "the bar-fashion-hookup industrial complex". like the military-industrial complex and the prison-industrial complex, it has wormed its way into what is otherwise a very natural process (channeling our attraction for/repulsion from each other, meeting needs for physical excitement and enjoyment, finding short- and long-term partnership, and even-- dare i believe it-- big love) and turned it into an overly staged and insecurity-inducing mechanism that's almost engineered to make money for various allied industries-- including media, alcohol, tobacco, drugs (legal and otherwise), real estate, music, and fashion-- while keeping you, your friends, and the guys who would otherwise date you isolated from each other via a concocted, maze-like complex of "dos-and-don'ts." the cruel irony is that it's not engineered for your and my desire, and especially not for black positionality; it's geared toward creating a place for concentrated moneymaking a distraction from really tough political choices. and, for my money, it leaves out the spontaneous-- the very stuff of love-- and the kind of stuff that we need for healing."
In layman's terms this means dating is something created by society that instead of helping us, hinder us, and gives money to "The Man".
I have to say I do agree with parts of this but at the same time I feel as if it is also an easy way to get out of the whole dating scheme. I agree that the whole, guy has to pay for dinner and movies shpeal has been created by the dating gods and at times can help the economy more than the couple at hand. Also, the nightlife scene gives everyone anxiety since they are facing a possible sea of rejection. But if we don't get together how do we get to know a guy? How do we know how much he is willing to give of himself to a lady? Actions speak louder than words and the dating scene has pushed men to do more than just talk about what they are about.
Women enjoy attention and spontaneity. If men actually took the time to PLAN something different for a date with ladies they would save money and see the woman's true colors.
For example, today, my dread locked friend invited me to hang out with him in Philly. Here's the dialogue:
Dreads: You wanna hang out?
Me: Sure, what are we going to do?
Dreads: "What do you want to do?"
Me: "I do not know Philly so you pick something." (I was also thinking in my head, "dummy you are the one that invited me to come hang out with you.")
Dreads: "Ummmm we can chill and watch a movie".
I enjoy movies but the hell I am going to some man's house just to "chill". The translation of that statement is "let me get in your pants". I do not take offense to it, because he is a man and had his first taste of my chocolaty goodness and wants to see how much farther he can actually get.
Me: Movies aren't really my thing. Can you think of something else because I do not know Philly.
Dreads: Let me think about it and Ill call you back.
(One Hour Later)
Dreads: Maybe we can go get something to eat.
Me: Its such a beautiful day out today maybe we can do something outside. ( I said this to hopefully get his brain juices working to find something else)
Dreads:OK
By the time I reach Philly, 40minutes later, he still has no idea what to do. I refuse to open my mouth, because I gave him a unique experience as written in my last piece. He then says we can run up the steps of The Art Museum a la Rocky. Yes! He finally gets it. I don't need you to spend money on me, I need you to spend a rich experience with me.
We hop in his car and head towards downtown. We pass by Fairmount Park which looks ridiculously gorgeous and vast so I switch it up and say lets grab a blanket and some ice cream and chill here. Once again, I planned the date, but at least he got a step forward in the whole original dating thing.
So we went to the park, talked, ate ice cream, sunbathed, and took a walk along a gravel path. Gentleman, this is what ladies want. Something sweet, unique, simple and fun. You do not have to shell out a thousand dollars or create an extravagant night. We want you to plan the evening and make it special for the two of us. Its not that hard people.
So I do believe in dating and I believe that the idea that it has been warped to benefit "The Man" is true. But I also believe that men have warped it to this state because they refuse to step out of the box and go the extra mile to plan an original date. As for going out to find a lady and the anxiety it instills on all parties, well this happens regardless of whether you are at a bookstore, Laundromat, or bar. It just happens that nightspots have a large concentration of it because it is random people out on the town for a good time and adventure.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
The Date You Only See on Movies
Ever since I left Milwaukee my experiences with picking up men have been much more progressive and slightly effortless.
I went on a date with my beautiful dancing dread man, Stones, who we met in Simple is the Key.
This meeting which turned into a date was very impromptu. I had an extra ticket for a wine and cheese event at Projects Gallery in Philly and he was the one available person for the night to join me.
We met there, had two glasses of wine, conversed, laughed, and looked at art for about an hour. It was nice and easy; something you just do with friends. The night was young so we decided to head to another location for one more glass of wine and conversation. The wine was definitely settling in a bit more for Stones; bringing down his inhibitions. He is the nervous type. Not knowing what to say or do around women and talking a ton to hopefully make him seem at ease. So the wine helped him to relax and just be himself. Luckily, I have had practice in these "situations" and am a bit of a wino, so I was still holding my ground.
We hit up Red Sky on Market St. The place was cute and probably turned into a nightclub later. The red wine was watery, which I should have figured being that the bartender couldn't even pronounce Merlot correctly. Quite amusing, but regardless we were there to chat and once again, let go of all inhibitions.
In the moment, I decided to take this opportunity to work on my seduction skills to get what I wanted since he was not being an aggressor. What is it that I wanted from him? Affection, attention, and aggression. I like a guy who takes control so I was going to make him take the reigns.
With half a glass down, Janet Jackson's "Don't Stop" pulsing in the background, and my knees enclosed around Stone's thigh he knew I was giving permission to test the waters. Stones leans into me and sings an original piece he wrote in my ear. So sweet.
He took my hand and led me to Penn's Landing where fireworks were going off and boats were pushing their way through the water. Yes, ladies and gentleman, this really did happen. LOL!
We walked to the concert area and took over the space with our own renditions of songs and dances. Teeheehee...performers. He twirled around me with his remixed Michael Jackson moves that went from popping and gliding to slow dancing hand in hand. I sat on the concert steps and listened to him sing another one of his songs. Then he walked over wrapped his arms around me and gave me sweet sweet caramel kisses as a cool breeze blew his dreads over my shoulders.
Did I mention before that I drool over dreads. Their naturalness and connection to the earth is just gorgeous.
This beautiful moment brought to you by Tiffany and Stones was interrupted by a security guard yelling "Closing Up!". We laughed at how unreal our meeting, date, whatever it is turned out and began walking toward the car. The walk was littered with kissing finger tips, laughter, and noses touching our chins and throats.
The sweetest part of the whole deal is that we knew good and well that we aren't going to see each other again. I head to Michigan in two weeks and he will be staying in Philly.
Another kiss goodbye and we walked our separate ways.
I woke up this morning with a little red line down the side of my throat from our night. Embarrassing, but in a sense, a nice memory from a walk to remember.
Go ahead and tear your heart out. This story is for real. Now if I can just somehow make dates like these develop and last...
I went on a date with my beautiful dancing dread man, Stones, who we met in Simple is the Key.
This meeting which turned into a date was very impromptu. I had an extra ticket for a wine and cheese event at Projects Gallery in Philly and he was the one available person for the night to join me.
We met there, had two glasses of wine, conversed, laughed, and looked at art for about an hour. It was nice and easy; something you just do with friends. The night was young so we decided to head to another location for one more glass of wine and conversation. The wine was definitely settling in a bit more for Stones; bringing down his inhibitions. He is the nervous type. Not knowing what to say or do around women and talking a ton to hopefully make him seem at ease. So the wine helped him to relax and just be himself. Luckily, I have had practice in these "situations" and am a bit of a wino, so I was still holding my ground.
We hit up Red Sky on Market St. The place was cute and probably turned into a nightclub later. The red wine was watery, which I should have figured being that the bartender couldn't even pronounce Merlot correctly. Quite amusing, but regardless we were there to chat and once again, let go of all inhibitions.
In the moment, I decided to take this opportunity to work on my seduction skills to get what I wanted since he was not being an aggressor. What is it that I wanted from him? Affection, attention, and aggression. I like a guy who takes control so I was going to make him take the reigns.
With half a glass down, Janet Jackson's "Don't Stop" pulsing in the background, and my knees enclosed around Stone's thigh he knew I was giving permission to test the waters. Stones leans into me and sings an original piece he wrote in my ear. So sweet.
He took my hand and led me to Penn's Landing where fireworks were going off and boats were pushing their way through the water. Yes, ladies and gentleman, this really did happen. LOL!
We walked to the concert area and took over the space with our own renditions of songs and dances. Teeheehee...performers. He twirled around me with his remixed Michael Jackson moves that went from popping and gliding to slow dancing hand in hand. I sat on the concert steps and listened to him sing another one of his songs. Then he walked over wrapped his arms around me and gave me sweet sweet caramel kisses as a cool breeze blew his dreads over my shoulders.
Did I mention before that I drool over dreads. Their naturalness and connection to the earth is just gorgeous.
This beautiful moment brought to you by Tiffany and Stones was interrupted by a security guard yelling "Closing Up!". We laughed at how unreal our meeting, date, whatever it is turned out and began walking toward the car. The walk was littered with kissing finger tips, laughter, and noses touching our chins and throats.
The sweetest part of the whole deal is that we knew good and well that we aren't going to see each other again. I head to Michigan in two weeks and he will be staying in Philly.
Another kiss goodbye and we walked our separate ways.
I woke up this morning with a little red line down the side of my throat from our night. Embarrassing, but in a sense, a nice memory from a walk to remember.
Go ahead and tear your heart out. This story is for real. Now if I can just somehow make dates like these develop and last...
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
This is Why They Don't Call
I think I have had one of Oprah's "aha moments". Here is what happened...
Yesterday while driving back from Atlanta I got a phone call from Mr. DJ. I told him we were still on our way back. He should have already known, considering that I gave him this same information Friday as I was heading to Atlanta.
Mr. DJ said he was hoping to see me tonight. Ok, that is flattering but at the same time eager beaverish.
Then he asked me to call when I got home. I said alright, and told him that would be back between 11pm and 12pm. I got a text at 11:18pm checking to see if I had gotten home yet, which I had not. I called at 11:33pm, obviously tired, and told him I was headed to bed. Then I got a text at 9:30am the following day asking if I was up yet. *Sigh*
I texted him at 11am saying that I was running errands with my mom and using the day to recuperate from the weekend, so I would call him later in the day. He responded back, "Cool. Have a nice day." I thought, great, time for me to chill and not feel pressured.
9:20pm rolls around pretty quickly and I get a phone call from Mr. DJ. Yes, I did say I would call, and its nearly the end of the day, but come on! Can you let me do it in my time. And this is when I have my epiphany.
In our last episode I talk about Mr. Jackie, the guy I actually liked. Well... I think I may have been doing the same sort of bug-a-boo thing to him. We hung out one night and said that we would hang out again. I thought we were on the same page with how much we wanted to get together again, because he told me to call whenever I had a moment. So, I did. And when I did not hear from him I would check in to see what was going on. To me it may have seemed as if checking in after two hours was alright, but if the scenario is playing out like the one described above with Mr. DJ I see this is too much.
Now at the same time, I have to say that I was getting texts talking about him thinking of me, wanting to see me, replaying moments in his head, blah blah blah. When I responded to these comments with, plans to actually get together I would receive no response back or some excuse as to what he was doing. Even when he told me to call once I got home, I did, twice, and have yet to hear from him.
Ok...
I just went over the text messages for the weekend. Yes, I know I am a little sprung, but you all know you do the same thing in the privacy of your homes. So don't hate.
There is no way I am going crazy with how he was feeling about me. The problem is, as it is with Mr. DJ, I was too available. I know Mr. DJ will drop anything in a heart beat to hang out with me. He is constantly asking when is the next time we are going to get together and when he can see my beautiful eyes. I know that he would pay for everything if I let him and I could do nearly anything and he would still adore me.
The same goes for Jackie.
When I was in town, if Jackie wanted me to wait on him, I would have waited. If he wanted me to leave a party to see him, I would have left the party to see him. If he wanted me to spend time with him instead of taking my morning jog, I would have done it. Sprung and way too available. Men need to feel the chase, otherwise they are not interested.
Now that I have recognized this, how can I reverse it. I want to make him feel as if he has to work for me. That will put us on the same playing field and not make me a throw away.
We are in two totally different states, so in reality, this does not matter as much. But this is an experiment. And I feel used, abused, and am going to turn the situation around so that it benefits me! Isn't that partially what this is all about? Allowing the lady to get what she wants.
I want him to walk across four states to get me. This is going to be difficult, but I think I am ready for a tricky challenge. Watch out mista' you ain't seen nothing yet.
Yesterday while driving back from Atlanta I got a phone call from Mr. DJ. I told him we were still on our way back. He should have already known, considering that I gave him this same information Friday as I was heading to Atlanta.
Mr. DJ said he was hoping to see me tonight. Ok, that is flattering but at the same time eager beaverish.
Then he asked me to call when I got home. I said alright, and told him that would be back between 11pm and 12pm. I got a text at 11:18pm checking to see if I had gotten home yet, which I had not. I called at 11:33pm, obviously tired, and told him I was headed to bed. Then I got a text at 9:30am the following day asking if I was up yet. *Sigh*
I texted him at 11am saying that I was running errands with my mom and using the day to recuperate from the weekend, so I would call him later in the day. He responded back, "Cool. Have a nice day." I thought, great, time for me to chill and not feel pressured.
9:20pm rolls around pretty quickly and I get a phone call from Mr. DJ. Yes, I did say I would call, and its nearly the end of the day, but come on! Can you let me do it in my time. And this is when I have my epiphany.
In our last episode I talk about Mr. Jackie, the guy I actually liked. Well... I think I may have been doing the same sort of bug-a-boo thing to him. We hung out one night and said that we would hang out again. I thought we were on the same page with how much we wanted to get together again, because he told me to call whenever I had a moment. So, I did. And when I did not hear from him I would check in to see what was going on. To me it may have seemed as if checking in after two hours was alright, but if the scenario is playing out like the one described above with Mr. DJ I see this is too much.
Now at the same time, I have to say that I was getting texts talking about him thinking of me, wanting to see me, replaying moments in his head, blah blah blah. When I responded to these comments with, plans to actually get together I would receive no response back or some excuse as to what he was doing. Even when he told me to call once I got home, I did, twice, and have yet to hear from him.
Ok...
I just went over the text messages for the weekend. Yes, I know I am a little sprung, but you all know you do the same thing in the privacy of your homes. So don't hate.
There is no way I am going crazy with how he was feeling about me. The problem is, as it is with Mr. DJ, I was too available. I know Mr. DJ will drop anything in a heart beat to hang out with me. He is constantly asking when is the next time we are going to get together and when he can see my beautiful eyes. I know that he would pay for everything if I let him and I could do nearly anything and he would still adore me.
The same goes for Jackie.
When I was in town, if Jackie wanted me to wait on him, I would have waited. If he wanted me to leave a party to see him, I would have left the party to see him. If he wanted me to spend time with him instead of taking my morning jog, I would have done it. Sprung and way too available. Men need to feel the chase, otherwise they are not interested.
Now that I have recognized this, how can I reverse it. I want to make him feel as if he has to work for me. That will put us on the same playing field and not make me a throw away.
We are in two totally different states, so in reality, this does not matter as much. But this is an experiment. And I feel used, abused, and am going to turn the situation around so that it benefits me! Isn't that partially what this is all about? Allowing the lady to get what she wants.
I want him to walk across four states to get me. This is going to be difficult, but I think I am ready for a tricky challenge. Watch out mista' you ain't seen nothing yet.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
The Date
Imagine that, I finally got what I wanted. Well, at least 70% of it.
I am in Atlanta visiting family for Carnival Weekend. Of course, I can't allow an opportunity for hunting pass me by. I call up an old friend from college who lives in the area. Jackie was an admissions counselor at my college while I was there. The year I graduated is the same year that he accepted a job in Atlanta, therefore circumstances made it alright for us to converse in public. He is 32, 5ft. 4inches, good looking, smart, motivated,and a gentleman. I never thought about pursuing him until we actually hung out.
Isn't it amazing how the ones who are really for us end up being people we know.
Jackie has a problem of being a bit of a flake. His tail will keep you waiting all day while he is running about doing who knows what. The only reason why I deal with it is because I don't have any other options and I want this one. For once I found a man that I actually LIKE and WANT. Uhhh so frustrating! I find my type and I can't really have him because we don't live in the same area.
Jackie gets me around midnight and we head to The Highlands to grab a drink. Granted, I was already pretty loose after having 4 shots of tequila with my family, but I was ready for some more fun. Carnival weekend, enough said.
I have on my "F Me Dress" and dancing heels just to be sure he realizes the importance of spending ALL of his time very wisely with me. The first bar is a Frat scene. Not my style, but I choke it down in order to work some magic. We have lovely conversation. I keep my eyes glued to him with one hand, ever-so-gently, brushing his thigh. I can tell he is nervous because he keeps on smiling and looking away. Plus he only touches his fingertips to my knees as if he is scared of crossing the line. Its really adorable.
Before we head to the next bar I go to the bathroom, because something below is definitely off kilter. *Sigh* Why did Monet come to town.
Allow me to introduce you to Monet. She is my period. I named her because she is always with me. Such a beautiful thing that brings tons of complications. Tonight she is annoying because her presence places physical limitations. Yes, I like to have the option of going there if necessary, and I don't want to have to worry about accidents on my "F Me Dress"!
We leave the bar and head to another up the street for one more drink. As we walk to this bar I hook my arm in his until he decides we should hold hands instead. Homeboy started getting bold.
The next bar offers wine so I get a glass while Jackie gets some other coke concoction. As we are waiting for the drinks he massages my back. I tell him he can press harder. Hahaha, I'm such a lil flirt. Anyway he steps into me and presses harder. I can tell he is enjoying all of this.
WE grab a table outside of this adorable bar and chat some more. Jackie is a poet and he tells me that he is a hopeless romantic, hence the reason why many of his poems are about women. Can a girl ask for more? I'm really feeling him and he is saying all of the right things. He is completely honest about his feelings towards me and his wants. My ass is now a hot mess because I want him, but I am not about to be "playing house", as WL#1 would say. "Playing House" is acting as if you are in a relationship, although you know after a certain amount of time you all have to go on with your lives.
I tell him this, and he just continues to say that I have him for today and whatever other time we may scrounge up this weekend. Yes, I agreed to "playing house" although I shouldn't have.
Then we kiss.
We decide to continue our night, so we hop in his car and head back to his place to talk some more since the bars in the area were closing.
When we arrived at his adorable apartment we didn't have the chance to talk much. In the middle of it all, I think to myself, if there was an opportunity for this to be something for real, there is no way I would have gone to his place. But, since I only had him for the night I was going to take what I could get.
After a few hours he takes me back to my weekend lodging. Now ladies - please, please, please - whether you are doing the walk of shame or just leaving a location with a man; never look busted. Straighten your dress, fix your makeup, and comb your hair. You should look the same way you came in. Keep it classy.
Shit, I looked damn good when I walked out to his car and up my family's driveway.
We decided to get together at least once more this weekend. Has this happened? I would say not. Once again, flaky. Usually, I would push a guy to the side with this sort of habit, but since he is someone I want, it is much harder. I do wonder if we left out the physical portions of the night would he have been more adamant about actually getting together again or would it be the same. Honestly, I think it would be the same. And actions like that do not go over well with me. I am not an Easy Bake Oven. Popping me in then shooting me out. Uh uh!
I will say, although things had no chance of progressing I had a great time. And in actuality kind of met my goal. I say kind of because we did not have dinner and I do not get to follow this up. But I do know that he appreciates me as I do him. Also this shows me that there is hope in finding the right guy for me after all.
I am in Atlanta visiting family for Carnival Weekend. Of course, I can't allow an opportunity for hunting pass me by. I call up an old friend from college who lives in the area. Jackie was an admissions counselor at my college while I was there. The year I graduated is the same year that he accepted a job in Atlanta, therefore circumstances made it alright for us to converse in public. He is 32, 5ft. 4inches, good looking, smart, motivated,and a gentleman. I never thought about pursuing him until we actually hung out.
Isn't it amazing how the ones who are really for us end up being people we know.
Jackie has a problem of being a bit of a flake. His tail will keep you waiting all day while he is running about doing who knows what. The only reason why I deal with it is because I don't have any other options and I want this one. For once I found a man that I actually LIKE and WANT. Uhhh so frustrating! I find my type and I can't really have him because we don't live in the same area.
Jackie gets me around midnight and we head to The Highlands to grab a drink. Granted, I was already pretty loose after having 4 shots of tequila with my family, but I was ready for some more fun. Carnival weekend, enough said.
I have on my "F Me Dress" and dancing heels just to be sure he realizes the importance of spending ALL of his time very wisely with me. The first bar is a Frat scene. Not my style, but I choke it down in order to work some magic. We have lovely conversation. I keep my eyes glued to him with one hand, ever-so-gently, brushing his thigh. I can tell he is nervous because he keeps on smiling and looking away. Plus he only touches his fingertips to my knees as if he is scared of crossing the line. Its really adorable.
Before we head to the next bar I go to the bathroom, because something below is definitely off kilter. *Sigh* Why did Monet come to town.
Allow me to introduce you to Monet. She is my period. I named her because she is always with me. Such a beautiful thing that brings tons of complications. Tonight she is annoying because her presence places physical limitations. Yes, I like to have the option of going there if necessary, and I don't want to have to worry about accidents on my "F Me Dress"!
We leave the bar and head to another up the street for one more drink. As we walk to this bar I hook my arm in his until he decides we should hold hands instead. Homeboy started getting bold.
The next bar offers wine so I get a glass while Jackie gets some other coke concoction. As we are waiting for the drinks he massages my back. I tell him he can press harder. Hahaha, I'm such a lil flirt. Anyway he steps into me and presses harder. I can tell he is enjoying all of this.
WE grab a table outside of this adorable bar and chat some more. Jackie is a poet and he tells me that he is a hopeless romantic, hence the reason why many of his poems are about women. Can a girl ask for more? I'm really feeling him and he is saying all of the right things. He is completely honest about his feelings towards me and his wants. My ass is now a hot mess because I want him, but I am not about to be "playing house", as WL#1 would say. "Playing House" is acting as if you are in a relationship, although you know after a certain amount of time you all have to go on with your lives.
I tell him this, and he just continues to say that I have him for today and whatever other time we may scrounge up this weekend. Yes, I agreed to "playing house" although I shouldn't have.
Then we kiss.
We decide to continue our night, so we hop in his car and head back to his place to talk some more since the bars in the area were closing.
When we arrived at his adorable apartment we didn't have the chance to talk much. In the middle of it all, I think to myself, if there was an opportunity for this to be something for real, there is no way I would have gone to his place. But, since I only had him for the night I was going to take what I could get.
After a few hours he takes me back to my weekend lodging. Now ladies - please, please, please - whether you are doing the walk of shame or just leaving a location with a man; never look busted. Straighten your dress, fix your makeup, and comb your hair. You should look the same way you came in. Keep it classy.
Shit, I looked damn good when I walked out to his car and up my family's driveway.
We decided to get together at least once more this weekend. Has this happened? I would say not. Once again, flaky. Usually, I would push a guy to the side with this sort of habit, but since he is someone I want, it is much harder. I do wonder if we left out the physical portions of the night would he have been more adamant about actually getting together again or would it be the same. Honestly, I think it would be the same. And actions like that do not go over well with me. I am not an Easy Bake Oven. Popping me in then shooting me out. Uh uh!
I will say, although things had no chance of progressing I had a great time. And in actuality kind of met my goal. I say kind of because we did not have dinner and I do not get to follow this up. But I do know that he appreciates me as I do him. Also this shows me that there is hope in finding the right guy for me after all.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
My Platonic Friend
Mr. DJ, who we met in our last episode, messaged me on facebook asking for my phone number. I told him that I enjoy making new friends, but if he is trying to do anything more than that, then I will not be passing on my phone number. We ended up exchanging numbers. I only know so many people in the area, so why not?
Three days later, I was the victim of a series of unfortunate events while attempting to hunt for men solo. So I decided to call him in hopes that the company and attention would improve my night.
When Mr. DJ and I spoke on the phone, he stated that I was a platonic friend so he did not have to get dressed for the night. I laughed and told him that was fine, but I would still be looking good. Why was he smelling of cologne and looking all sweet when he picked me up? MmmmHmmm, platonic friend my ass.
We headed to P.J. Whelihans which is a great bar/ restaurant for first time "meet-ups". TVs lined the walls and two guitarists sat on the porch playing for a small crowd. We opted for the bar area, put in our order of a rum and pineapple and a Heinekin with appetizers, and began to get to know each other a little better.
He made me laugh with his crazy stories about women picking him up in Jamaica and his ridiculous metaphors that only Caribbean people can put together. The funniest thing of the evening was how he ended every couple of sentences with "my platonic friend". He stated those words but his physical mannerisms were not representative of it. I never felt uncomfortable throughout the night, but he definitely cop'd a stroke of the thigh, a grab at the hand, and a kiss on the cheek. Mr. DJ has a way of turning almost everything into a joke. Although his touches, gazes, and flattery were all for fun there was truth under it all. Yep he wanted some of this, but I handled it by making it clear that we were only going to be friends. He heard me well and verbally agreed, but I don't know how well he actually listened to my statement.
Mr. DJ is a very generous and sweet person. I really enjoyed our evening together because he gave me the attention I wanted. Yes this is selfish, but its the truth. The problem with this is that I need to learn how to not lead people on. I have a tendancy to flirt and be suggestive even when I know that if he had the chance he would hop on this. Its nearly the same way I act with other male friends but I should be taking a step back since he does have a little crush.
We are supposed to get together again this coming week. I am not going to be a tease, but I am going to be myself and figure out how to be a real platonic friend.
Three days later, I was the victim of a series of unfortunate events while attempting to hunt for men solo. So I decided to call him in hopes that the company and attention would improve my night.
When Mr. DJ and I spoke on the phone, he stated that I was a platonic friend so he did not have to get dressed for the night. I laughed and told him that was fine, but I would still be looking good. Why was he smelling of cologne and looking all sweet when he picked me up? MmmmHmmm, platonic friend my ass.
We headed to P.J. Whelihans which is a great bar/ restaurant for first time "meet-ups". TVs lined the walls and two guitarists sat on the porch playing for a small crowd. We opted for the bar area, put in our order of a rum and pineapple and a Heinekin with appetizers, and began to get to know each other a little better.
He made me laugh with his crazy stories about women picking him up in Jamaica and his ridiculous metaphors that only Caribbean people can put together. The funniest thing of the evening was how he ended every couple of sentences with "my platonic friend". He stated those words but his physical mannerisms were not representative of it. I never felt uncomfortable throughout the night, but he definitely cop'd a stroke of the thigh, a grab at the hand, and a kiss on the cheek. Mr. DJ has a way of turning almost everything into a joke. Although his touches, gazes, and flattery were all for fun there was truth under it all. Yep he wanted some of this, but I handled it by making it clear that we were only going to be friends. He heard me well and verbally agreed, but I don't know how well he actually listened to my statement.
Mr. DJ is a very generous and sweet person. I really enjoyed our evening together because he gave me the attention I wanted. Yes this is selfish, but its the truth. The problem with this is that I need to learn how to not lead people on. I have a tendancy to flirt and be suggestive even when I know that if he had the chance he would hop on this. Its nearly the same way I act with other male friends but I should be taking a step back since he does have a little crush.
We are supposed to get together again this coming week. I am not going to be a tease, but I am going to be myself and figure out how to be a real platonic friend.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Simple is the Key
I ventured to another nightclub Sunday night for some Caribbean music. I wasn't planning on hunting, but of course my eyes are always open.
Philly is turning out to have much more aggressive men than Milwaukee and Cherry Hill. That's an "A" plus plus in my book!
So we arrive at Cavanaugh's Riverdeck and start the night off with the signature rum and pineapple. My girl and I sit and chat while the crowd slowly seeps in. Next thing I know we have been approached by the DJ. DJ buys us drinks and chats us up for about an hour. He was warm, funny, and interesting but he revealed his age,39, and I had to give my little speech.
I said, "I am sorry, you are very sweet, I enjoy talking to you, but that is older than what I am looking for." Mr. DJ is Jamaican, therefore he was not taking no for an answer. He continued to chat us up, ask to take pictures, and insist on taking me out to dinner on Tuesday. A Soca song came on my girl pulled me to the dance floor.
It was a slow night so the regulars were taking over the dance floor and everyone else sat at the bar or watched from the sidelines. Out of nowhere comes the one guy that I happened to go on a date with nearly a full year ago. Powa is an American Haitian who records beats and music for a living, can dance like whoa, and has a hot hot double hot body. He looked much scruffier than before but still had the moves. I decided not to say anything to him because he was saying hello to every other girl on the deck. I am full of myself and can not stand when I am not unique to an individual. So I ignored him and refused to fall within the category of the random females that he knew.
As him and his boys took over the main dance floor I stood near the stage and did my two step with a few twists and rolls. Next thing I know, another man, who I realized later that I had danced with at this very club last year, came over and gave me a real good wine.
For those of you unfamiliar with the term "wine" it is in reference to a winding hip and waist movement generally done to Calypso, Soca, and most recently Dancehall music. People wine by themselves or with a partner. You will find that those from Trinidad can wine the best *wink*.
All a lady needs is one man to approach, and then all the other men want to try a bite too. Well I got a bit more than that. The main guy who was taking over the dance floor came over to me and of course I gave him a good wine to show him that he was not the only one that could do something out there. We started chatting and eventually made our way to a quieter portion of the deck to talk. I loved his style, he had dreads (something I tend to drool over), and seemed like an interesting person to have in my circle. He talked a bit too much for me, but I rode it out.
When we got back to the dance floor his homegirl was definitely mean grilling me as if I did something to her and she started to dance harder, Powa made sure to push up on several girls for the next two songs, and Mr. DJ immediately came over to stake his claims again. Such a funny thing to watch how everyone revamped their tactics to gain attention or pretend that they were cool. The girl who was my interest's friend even took the time to grab him for one full slow song. When I say grab, I mean that she wrapped her arms around his neck and did not let go till the end of the song while he didn't even touch her with his hands. It looked like a really sad attempt to claiming territory.
By the end of the night we exchanged numbers, he walked me to my car, and Powa acknowledged my existence by playfully wining up on me at the end of the night. Oh yeah, and Mr. DJ insisted that when I post our pictures on facebook that I leave my phone number for him.
What did I learn from this night? Less is best.
I was fully covered up with a knee length 3/4 sleeved dress, tights, and knee high boots. What got the men was that it accentuated all of my curves. Also I danced, but didn't dance too hard while standing solo. Two females in particular were working really hard for attention. One chic in white rubbed her body and showed her panties when her dress rode up. The girl that was mean grilling me allowed Powa to pick her up and wine on her and she got in the middle of their dancing in order to follow along or show them up. Yes she danced with her friends, but no one else except the nasty men wanted to dance with her. She was bringing the wrong type of attention and therefore receiving the wrong type of men. I have definitely been "that" girl before, but being able to observe and think over it, I can see the kind of attention received.
In all it was a successful night. Looks like I may be getting closer and closer to my goal.
Philly is turning out to have much more aggressive men than Milwaukee and Cherry Hill. That's an "A" plus plus in my book!
So we arrive at Cavanaugh's Riverdeck and start the night off with the signature rum and pineapple. My girl and I sit and chat while the crowd slowly seeps in. Next thing I know we have been approached by the DJ. DJ buys us drinks and chats us up for about an hour. He was warm, funny, and interesting but he revealed his age,39, and I had to give my little speech.
I said, "I am sorry, you are very sweet, I enjoy talking to you, but that is older than what I am looking for." Mr. DJ is Jamaican, therefore he was not taking no for an answer. He continued to chat us up, ask to take pictures, and insist on taking me out to dinner on Tuesday. A Soca song came on my girl pulled me to the dance floor.
It was a slow night so the regulars were taking over the dance floor and everyone else sat at the bar or watched from the sidelines. Out of nowhere comes the one guy that I happened to go on a date with nearly a full year ago. Powa is an American Haitian who records beats and music for a living, can dance like whoa, and has a hot hot double hot body. He looked much scruffier than before but still had the moves. I decided not to say anything to him because he was saying hello to every other girl on the deck. I am full of myself and can not stand when I am not unique to an individual. So I ignored him and refused to fall within the category of the random females that he knew.
As him and his boys took over the main dance floor I stood near the stage and did my two step with a few twists and rolls. Next thing I know, another man, who I realized later that I had danced with at this very club last year, came over and gave me a real good wine.
For those of you unfamiliar with the term "wine" it is in reference to a winding hip and waist movement generally done to Calypso, Soca, and most recently Dancehall music. People wine by themselves or with a partner. You will find that those from Trinidad can wine the best *wink*.
All a lady needs is one man to approach, and then all the other men want to try a bite too. Well I got a bit more than that. The main guy who was taking over the dance floor came over to me and of course I gave him a good wine to show him that he was not the only one that could do something out there. We started chatting and eventually made our way to a quieter portion of the deck to talk. I loved his style, he had dreads (something I tend to drool over), and seemed like an interesting person to have in my circle. He talked a bit too much for me, but I rode it out.
When we got back to the dance floor his homegirl was definitely mean grilling me as if I did something to her and she started to dance harder, Powa made sure to push up on several girls for the next two songs, and Mr. DJ immediately came over to stake his claims again. Such a funny thing to watch how everyone revamped their tactics to gain attention or pretend that they were cool. The girl who was my interest's friend even took the time to grab him for one full slow song. When I say grab, I mean that she wrapped her arms around his neck and did not let go till the end of the song while he didn't even touch her with his hands. It looked like a really sad attempt to claiming territory.
By the end of the night we exchanged numbers, he walked me to my car, and Powa acknowledged my existence by playfully wining up on me at the end of the night. Oh yeah, and Mr. DJ insisted that when I post our pictures on facebook that I leave my phone number for him.
What did I learn from this night? Less is best.
I was fully covered up with a knee length 3/4 sleeved dress, tights, and knee high boots. What got the men was that it accentuated all of my curves. Also I danced, but didn't dance too hard while standing solo. Two females in particular were working really hard for attention. One chic in white rubbed her body and showed her panties when her dress rode up. The girl that was mean grilling me allowed Powa to pick her up and wine on her and she got in the middle of their dancing in order to follow along or show them up. Yes she danced with her friends, but no one else except the nasty men wanted to dance with her. She was bringing the wrong type of attention and therefore receiving the wrong type of men. I have definitely been "that" girl before, but being able to observe and think over it, I can see the kind of attention received.
In all it was a successful night. Looks like I may be getting closer and closer to my goal.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Lessons from the club
Taylor's Nightclub was the spot last night in Cherry Hill NJ. And I was in for a great surprise. I was w/ my cousin, sister, and her boyfriend and ended up meeting three male friends there too. I had yet to work my skills among a large group. Especially one that had so many men. Also like I attested in one of my other posts, nightclubs are not a good place for picking up men. But of course, you know I still had to tread those waters to see if there was an opportunity. Here is what I found.
1. I found at least three men who fell into my type category, but they were not interested in talking or dancing with a sista' w/ natural twists. They were there for another breed. I'm trying not to hate. I am just a bit full of myself, if you haven't noticed yet
2. I grabbed a sensible target who I could tell just by the way he danced that we were on the same level. Some chic dropped down in the splits and was popping. I turned to him and said, "I cant do that." He replied, "I don't want you to do that. That is too much". "Okay," I thought, "he's got class". What turned me off from him is that he got aggravated every time someone stepped into our dancing space. Translation - Short Temper. Woman beater maybe? LOL! Naw I am not going to jump to conclusions.
3. This brings me to a point about dancing. Work it out whenever you are dancing. Toss that hair, roll that body, and pop the booty if you got it. But do know everyone is watching and the good ones, don't like unclassy women. Please do not put your leg in the air. Do not allow a man to lift you up. Do not sit on a man's lap when there is plenty of space around you to sit. Furthermore, do not find yourself dancing with a man backed up against the wall in a corner. People see this, and start to make assumptions. It also takes away the fun and mystery of the little secrets you save for those who really deserve it.
4. I danced with a decent looking, obviously older, man. He was wearing a tight black shirt that was tucked in...who else does that? It was nice dancing with him, but he was way too pushy. I started dancing with someone else and then he was grabbing my arm to try and buy me a drink. Not attractive nor persuasive. I don't know you and you do not know me. He got an F minus!
5. Bringing water to the pool never helps your situation. Guys were not intimidated by the fact that I had other male friends around, but my men were not afraid to cut in when they saw me dancing with someone else. Yeah... so I just let it be because there was no way I was going to strike up a converstaion at the time of the night And didn't even worry about it.
6. Once again a good wing lady helps out your situation a ton. I have some WL's in training with a bit of a different background. So the dynamic will be different from what I am used to but having support and encouragement is always helpful.
Last night was a good night. I can not wait to try some more out in this area, because I finally have some tangible options to play with. Till next time...
1. I found at least three men who fell into my type category, but they were not interested in talking or dancing with a sista' w/ natural twists. They were there for another breed. I'm trying not to hate. I am just a bit full of myself, if you haven't noticed yet
2. I grabbed a sensible target who I could tell just by the way he danced that we were on the same level. Some chic dropped down in the splits and was popping. I turned to him and said, "I cant do that." He replied, "I don't want you to do that. That is too much". "Okay," I thought, "he's got class". What turned me off from him is that he got aggravated every time someone stepped into our dancing space. Translation - Short Temper. Woman beater maybe? LOL! Naw I am not going to jump to conclusions.
3. This brings me to a point about dancing. Work it out whenever you are dancing. Toss that hair, roll that body, and pop the booty if you got it. But do know everyone is watching and the good ones, don't like unclassy women. Please do not put your leg in the air. Do not allow a man to lift you up. Do not sit on a man's lap when there is plenty of space around you to sit. Furthermore, do not find yourself dancing with a man backed up against the wall in a corner. People see this, and start to make assumptions. It also takes away the fun and mystery of the little secrets you save for those who really deserve it.
4. I danced with a decent looking, obviously older, man. He was wearing a tight black shirt that was tucked in...who else does that? It was nice dancing with him, but he was way too pushy. I started dancing with someone else and then he was grabbing my arm to try and buy me a drink. Not attractive nor persuasive. I don't know you and you do not know me. He got an F minus!
5. Bringing water to the pool never helps your situation. Guys were not intimidated by the fact that I had other male friends around, but my men were not afraid to cut in when they saw me dancing with someone else. Yeah... so I just let it be because there was no way I was going to strike up a converstaion at the time of the night And didn't even worry about it.
6. Once again a good wing lady helps out your situation a ton. I have some WL's in training with a bit of a different background. So the dynamic will be different from what I am used to but having support and encouragement is always helpful.
Last night was a good night. I can not wait to try some more out in this area, because I finally have some tangible options to play with. Till next time...
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Solo Night
I am now in Jersey visiting my parents. The great thing is that I am home, 15miles from Philly and plenty of free time. The bad news is that I don't have many close, single, available, female friends in the area. How am I to continue my experiment without my wing ladies? WL#1 and WL#2 are the women I trust with my love life; I know their style, and they are nearly always available.
Whats a girl to do? I guess just go out by herself.
I got a boost this morning to be independent. So I jumped onto my lappy and found a Jazz/R&B/Blues/Neo-soul spot called Warmdaddy's in Philly. A restaurant/bar where I could sit back with a drink and people watch without looking pitiful because I was there for the "music".
I headed to the bar, grabbed a drink which was WAY stronger than I had wanted it to be (but it kept me there for the night in order to sober up)and found my perch near the front to listen to the band. I was definitely the Alpha female up in that piece. The problem was, I didn't have anything to work with. The band members had an artsy urban strong-black man look to them, but not really my type. The restaurant area was filled with graduates and their families. The bar area had couples, coworkers, 2 single men and then... me. Needless to say, if I was in a location in which I could scope out another bar or music spot for hunting I would have. So instead of hunting I observed my surroundings.
The most impressive action that caught my eye, was one of the trumpet players making love to his trumpet. Yes, I will say it again. The trumpet player making love to his trumpet. With his shoulder! It was soooo sexy. I am not stretching either when I say this. Homeboy riffed through the steady beat while keeping a smooth wave rolling through his shoulder throughout.
"Make'm say yeahhhhheh".
The lead vocalist was another one creating fire on the stage. He had so much swag that it made me want to have a bit of sit down time with him, and he was definitely not my type. A man that enjoys his meals and has little feet. Or more vividly put, someone that will crush you without giving you anything to tug on or work with. No thank you mam'.
I considered talking to the two single men at the bar, but I really had no desire. One guy was too old, and the other was a lil' white boy that looked lost. Nothing, zip, nada.
But I tell you what, I felt sexy as hell! I looked fly, the band was eyeing me, and the way they were grooving onstage made me wanna say ooowee. So although I did not get my target, I was semi-fulfilled through visuals and sound.
Look out for the next single lady adventure in this new area!
Whats a girl to do? I guess just go out by herself.
I got a boost this morning to be independent. So I jumped onto my lappy and found a Jazz/R&B/Blues/Neo-soul spot called Warmdaddy's in Philly. A restaurant/bar where I could sit back with a drink and people watch without looking pitiful because I was there for the "music".
I headed to the bar, grabbed a drink which was WAY stronger than I had wanted it to be (but it kept me there for the night in order to sober up)and found my perch near the front to listen to the band. I was definitely the Alpha female up in that piece. The problem was, I didn't have anything to work with. The band members had an artsy urban strong-black man look to them, but not really my type. The restaurant area was filled with graduates and their families. The bar area had couples, coworkers, 2 single men and then... me. Needless to say, if I was in a location in which I could scope out another bar or music spot for hunting I would have. So instead of hunting I observed my surroundings.
The most impressive action that caught my eye, was one of the trumpet players making love to his trumpet. Yes, I will say it again. The trumpet player making love to his trumpet. With his shoulder! It was soooo sexy. I am not stretching either when I say this. Homeboy riffed through the steady beat while keeping a smooth wave rolling through his shoulder throughout.
"Make'm say yeahhhhheh".
The lead vocalist was another one creating fire on the stage. He had so much swag that it made me want to have a bit of sit down time with him, and he was definitely not my type. A man that enjoys his meals and has little feet. Or more vividly put, someone that will crush you without giving you anything to tug on or work with. No thank you mam'.
I considered talking to the two single men at the bar, but I really had no desire. One guy was too old, and the other was a lil' white boy that looked lost. Nothing, zip, nada.
But I tell you what, I felt sexy as hell! I looked fly, the band was eyeing me, and the way they were grooving onstage made me wanna say ooowee. So although I did not get my target, I was semi-fulfilled through visuals and sound.
Look out for the next single lady adventure in this new area!
Monday, May 11, 2009
What Women and Petrone Can Do
Talk about a good time. I spent my last night with WL#2 and it was an adventure; 4 locations, tons of targets, plenty of tequila, and lots of lovin'. Yeah buddy!
We started at Hot Water Nightclub in search of WL#2's acquaintance's party. As soon as we walked in, the hounds were out. I guess the short men were feeling extra confident because they were all about approaching us no matter what. It was quite funny. Even the older men were on it, like they had that "it" factor. But you know what it was; little dresses with fuck me heels. MmmmHmmm that will do it.
So we finally found out her acquaintance was in the front of the bldg. We go to his party. Ummm...yeah... It made no sense for us to be there. It was a bunch of kids who had just graduated from college. Great celebration for them, but not the place for us to be. We took a shot of petrone, I talked to the DJ ( he had dreads, so you know I had to), danced to a song and peaced out.
We headed to 618. A club both of us have always vowed not to go to. It wasn't that bad, but definitely not a place I would frequent very much. By this time I was really loose and ready for anything. A dude passed me by and deliberately placed his hand on my waist for a Long Time. I told WL#2 and she told me to grab his butt. I said, "ok". And ran over to him and grabbed his butt. The next morning, I was like ummm that was an awkward grab, since I stumbled, let the hand linger, and then wobbled back to WL#2, but in the moment it was just funny. Homeboy approached and let me know that what I did was not smooth and much more than his touch. We laughed it off and he walked away. Then I saw a man who was definitely my type in pink. Once again WL#2 told me to go for it. I sashay over as if I owned the floor. And start dancing with him. It...took him by surprise and he got a bit into it until one of his girls leaned over and said sth to him in his ear. I was like, oh, are these your girls. He said, yeah, I'm sorry but thanks for the dance. I was like OK, thanks! And ran away.
WL#2 got a text from a mutual friend about him and his boy being at Notte. So we headed that way. We should have been there since the jump. The place was hopping. Beautiful men, hot music, and I was feeling right! To top it off my beautiful DJ friend grabs my arm gives me a big hug and kiss and gets WL#2 and I shots of Petrone.
Can we please take a moment for DJ Fred. This man is such a gentleman, a professional, and just too freakin' beautiful for his own good.
Back to our story.
After that, we took another shot of Petrone with our boys and danced it out for the rest of the night. Ohhhhh good times, good times. Unfortunately 2pm came and we had to get out. We got to my girls car and fortunate for us two hotties we had spotted in the club came up to our window. Here is where it gets good.
Mr. Brandon is an Arena Football player. Meaning he has a hot body and is strong. My kind of guy. And here's hoping he had a lil bit more. He took my hand and said the right things. Mmmm, yes. WL#2 also had another lovely Arena football player to entertain her. Needless to say, we didn't get dinner, but we scratched that itch. Thank goodness, cuz it was about time!
Success for my last time and I have to give a big thanks to WL#2. I don't know whats going to happen next, because I am no longer in Milwaukee, but I am still on the prowl. I plan on continuing to go out and being bold but I don't have my wing ladies. So look out for some different observations as the summer progresses. Trust, it will still be good!
We started at Hot Water Nightclub in search of WL#2's acquaintance's party. As soon as we walked in, the hounds were out. I guess the short men were feeling extra confident because they were all about approaching us no matter what. It was quite funny. Even the older men were on it, like they had that "it" factor. But you know what it was; little dresses with fuck me heels. MmmmHmmm that will do it.
So we finally found out her acquaintance was in the front of the bldg. We go to his party. Ummm...yeah... It made no sense for us to be there. It was a bunch of kids who had just graduated from college. Great celebration for them, but not the place for us to be. We took a shot of petrone, I talked to the DJ ( he had dreads, so you know I had to), danced to a song and peaced out.
We headed to 618. A club both of us have always vowed not to go to. It wasn't that bad, but definitely not a place I would frequent very much. By this time I was really loose and ready for anything. A dude passed me by and deliberately placed his hand on my waist for a Long Time. I told WL#2 and she told me to grab his butt. I said, "ok". And ran over to him and grabbed his butt. The next morning, I was like ummm that was an awkward grab, since I stumbled, let the hand linger, and then wobbled back to WL#2, but in the moment it was just funny. Homeboy approached and let me know that what I did was not smooth and much more than his touch. We laughed it off and he walked away. Then I saw a man who was definitely my type in pink. Once again WL#2 told me to go for it. I sashay over as if I owned the floor. And start dancing with him. It...took him by surprise and he got a bit into it until one of his girls leaned over and said sth to him in his ear. I was like, oh, are these your girls. He said, yeah, I'm sorry but thanks for the dance. I was like OK, thanks! And ran away.
WL#2 got a text from a mutual friend about him and his boy being at Notte. So we headed that way. We should have been there since the jump. The place was hopping. Beautiful men, hot music, and I was feeling right! To top it off my beautiful DJ friend grabs my arm gives me a big hug and kiss and gets WL#2 and I shots of Petrone.
Can we please take a moment for DJ Fred. This man is such a gentleman, a professional, and just too freakin' beautiful for his own good.
Back to our story.
After that, we took another shot of Petrone with our boys and danced it out for the rest of the night. Ohhhhh good times, good times. Unfortunately 2pm came and we had to get out. We got to my girls car and fortunate for us two hotties we had spotted in the club came up to our window. Here is where it gets good.
Mr. Brandon is an Arena Football player. Meaning he has a hot body and is strong. My kind of guy. And here's hoping he had a lil bit more. He took my hand and said the right things. Mmmm, yes. WL#2 also had another lovely Arena football player to entertain her. Needless to say, we didn't get dinner, but we scratched that itch. Thank goodness, cuz it was about time!
Success for my last time and I have to give a big thanks to WL#2. I don't know whats going to happen next, because I am no longer in Milwaukee, but I am still on the prowl. I plan on continuing to go out and being bold but I don't have my wing ladies. So look out for some different observations as the summer progresses. Trust, it will still be good!
Monday, May 4, 2009
What's a Daytime Girlfriend?
Friday night WL#1 and I made a stop at ZenDen. The crowd was a little skimpy but decent enough for our needs and diverse too. We were sitting by some dudes that were totally disinterested in us so we decided to make a quick move to two other men at the end of the bar.
Quick move was put at snail pace because the men got up and started talking to two females next to them. Ugh! We should have gone faster. Remember, like a Band-Aid.
So we sat back, sipped our drinks, and hoped for Prince Charming to walk in the door. He didn't come a walking in, but our targets at the end of the bar sat back in their original positions at the chair. Game on!
I did the 50/50 Abigail and they came right on over. One chatted it up with WL#1 and the other chatted with me. I wasn't really interested, but it was better than sitting and watching dudes walk by. I was receiving cute compliments, interesting questions, and good, respectful energy. Then things came to a halt as soon as my boy said he had a daytime girlfriend.
DAYTIME GIRLFRIEND?!?!?! Whats that supposed to mean? Someone please give me a definition because I did not get one from him. I hope the men who are in relationships are not walking around with daytime girlfriends and then at night laying low with their night time boo! That's straight up and down trash.
Needless to say, after about five more minutes of small talk WL#1 and I got to stepping back to the Cabaret for some more blues. Ha, how appropriate of our love lives.
Look out for WL#1 and my last adventure together, because she is about to head to VA. So sad, but I will make due
Quick move was put at snail pace because the men got up and started talking to two females next to them. Ugh! We should have gone faster. Remember, like a Band-Aid.
So we sat back, sipped our drinks, and hoped for Prince Charming to walk in the door. He didn't come a walking in, but our targets at the end of the bar sat back in their original positions at the chair. Game on!
I did the 50/50 Abigail and they came right on over. One chatted it up with WL#1 and the other chatted with me. I wasn't really interested, but it was better than sitting and watching dudes walk by. I was receiving cute compliments, interesting questions, and good, respectful energy. Then things came to a halt as soon as my boy said he had a daytime girlfriend.
DAYTIME GIRLFRIEND?!?!?! Whats that supposed to mean? Someone please give me a definition because I did not get one from him. I hope the men who are in relationships are not walking around with daytime girlfriends and then at night laying low with their night time boo! That's straight up and down trash.
Needless to say, after about five more minutes of small talk WL#1 and I got to stepping back to the Cabaret for some more blues. Ha, how appropriate of our love lives.
Look out for WL#1 and my last adventure together, because she is about to head to VA. So sad, but I will make due
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Its going along well
Tionn and I have been hanging out a good amount. Well I guess I should say talking on the phone and planning to hang out. Its nice, and comfy. Nothing too fast or slow. Just good times and enjoying company. On Sunday I went over to his boy Mike's place for some drinks and chats. WL#2 went too. It was nice. We laughed, drank wine, looked at Mike's art. Played spades.... which meant the boys got into a fight about who was better, the rules of the game, shit talking, and more crap like that.
WL#2 and I proceeded to take pictures in the midst of the madness. Then finally the night ended with us playing a nice easy game of bowling on the Wii. The coziest part of the evening were the stealthy little steps I took to be closer to Tionn so I could feel his manly hands sit on my waist.
Ooowee your girl ain't been touched in a minute. So sad how something so simple can make a girl in a drought say yeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhh!
We were sharing the same Wii controler and I definitley found the sneakiest ways (I don't know how sneaky it really was because I had gone through three glasses of wine by this time) to fit my chocolaty rump right into his lower regions. Yall know that nice standing swoon position. And his hand always went directly to the right place on my waist. The area that makes you think you are holding onto a flat stomach but it's really just the crater before the mountain. I loved every bit of it.
We are planning to get together again. Ill let ya know what happens then. Maybe some more standing swoon position.
WL#2 and I proceeded to take pictures in the midst of the madness. Then finally the night ended with us playing a nice easy game of bowling on the Wii. The coziest part of the evening were the stealthy little steps I took to be closer to Tionn so I could feel his manly hands sit on my waist.
Ooowee your girl ain't been touched in a minute. So sad how something so simple can make a girl in a drought say yeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhh!
We were sharing the same Wii controler and I definitley found the sneakiest ways (I don't know how sneaky it really was because I had gone through three glasses of wine by this time) to fit my chocolaty rump right into his lower regions. Yall know that nice standing swoon position. And his hand always went directly to the right place on my waist. The area that makes you think you are holding onto a flat stomach but it's really just the crater before the mountain. I loved every bit of it.
We are planning to get together again. Ill let ya know what happens then. Maybe some more standing swoon position.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Date...I Think, Maybe...
I went out with Tionne on Thursday. I didn't think it was a date because WL#1 and WL#2 were invited to come too; but they decided not to. So I went on my lonesome.
Talk about a good time.
Tionne took me to Quincy Jackson's Chicago Steppin' class. I started off with the beginners at 7pm. By the time 9pm rolled around I was dancing with the professionals and getting great tips from them. Its such a sexy dance.
Tionne was the perfect partner for the night. He helped instruct class, he danced with me, introduced me to people, then went his merry way so I could dance with others. The definition of a non-clinger.
Men take heed to this advice. Seriously. Non-clingy is the way to be. Tionne had a great balance. He also asked several times if I would like anything to drink throughout the night. A sign of non-stinginess and conscious of my being. Another check mark for him.
We left around 10:30pm and I was supposed to meet some friends to watch Lost and play craps. Things were going so well that I decided to just hang with him some more.
This is when it turned into a date.
We went to Balzac Wine Bar and sat and chatted for a good hour. It was really lovely. I learned a lot about him; we talked about relationships and traveling. It was comfortable and nice. And I didn't feel as if he expected anything from me. Really wonderful. At midnight he took me home and we hugged goodbye.
Like I said, I think this was a date by the end. Especially, after a few comments he made about doing dinner and dancing some more. Either way, labels aren't really necessary. I had a great time and nearly met my goal for this project. He offered for us to get something to eat several times, but I wasn't hungry. So no traditional dinner for two. But that's alright; we are hanging out again on Sunday. We'll see what happens then.
Talk about a good time.
Tionne took me to Quincy Jackson's Chicago Steppin' class. I started off with the beginners at 7pm. By the time 9pm rolled around I was dancing with the professionals and getting great tips from them. Its such a sexy dance.
Tionne was the perfect partner for the night. He helped instruct class, he danced with me, introduced me to people, then went his merry way so I could dance with others. The definition of a non-clinger.
Men take heed to this advice. Seriously. Non-clingy is the way to be. Tionne had a great balance. He also asked several times if I would like anything to drink throughout the night. A sign of non-stinginess and conscious of my being. Another check mark for him.
We left around 10:30pm and I was supposed to meet some friends to watch Lost and play craps. Things were going so well that I decided to just hang with him some more.
This is when it turned into a date.
We went to Balzac Wine Bar and sat and chatted for a good hour. It was really lovely. I learned a lot about him; we talked about relationships and traveling. It was comfortable and nice. And I didn't feel as if he expected anything from me. Really wonderful. At midnight he took me home and we hugged goodbye.
Like I said, I think this was a date by the end. Especially, after a few comments he made about doing dinner and dancing some more. Either way, labels aren't really necessary. I had a great time and nearly met my goal for this project. He offered for us to get something to eat several times, but I wasn't hungry. So no traditional dinner for two. But that's alright; we are hanging out again on Sunday. We'll see what happens then.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
We Found Where The Good Men Are
I had a great conversation with my girlfriend about where all the good ones are. We found a few good men this weekend and they gave us insight to where they like to chill.
WL#2 approached our lovely men of the night. Mike, our smooth artsy surgeon brother, said that women never approach him. She asked Mike and his friend, Tionne, if she had not approached them would they have gone up to her. They said no, because they were at the lounge to hang out. They were not looking for anyone or anything. Also they don’t ever go out. They go out like once every three months. That was the biggest tip of all.
The good men are chillin’ at home and working. Mike, Tionne, and their two friends said that they don’t go out. They usually just hang out at home with friends. What do these men do for a living? One is a surgeon, the other owns his own I.T. business, the others I don’t remember but they have substantial jobs doing something fabulous with their lives.
When you go to the club or bars what type of men do we all usually meet? Those who are “about” to start working for their uncle, those who are trying to be a rapper…you get the picture.
But I like to go out, I enjoy having a good time. Therefore, I can imagine there are men out there who are the same way.Does that place them in the category of playa’s then because going out for a male is different than going out for a female. Of course you can not place everyone in a category, but in a sense we all stereotype those we see at clubs and bars. You see some people as going out to just have a good time, some want a quick lay, others are desperate to find a partner, and then some enjoy to drink and listen to music without being bothered. How do we weed it all out? Well we don’t. We sit and hope that your paths cross with Mr. Right. That’s how most people found their one and only; by chance. Now if I can actually accept that fact.
WL#2 approached our lovely men of the night. Mike, our smooth artsy surgeon brother, said that women never approach him. She asked Mike and his friend, Tionne, if she had not approached them would they have gone up to her. They said no, because they were at the lounge to hang out. They were not looking for anyone or anything. Also they don’t ever go out. They go out like once every three months. That was the biggest tip of all.
The good men are chillin’ at home and working. Mike, Tionne, and their two friends said that they don’t go out. They usually just hang out at home with friends. What do these men do for a living? One is a surgeon, the other owns his own I.T. business, the others I don’t remember but they have substantial jobs doing something fabulous with their lives.
When you go to the club or bars what type of men do we all usually meet? Those who are “about” to start working for their uncle, those who are trying to be a rapper…you get the picture.
But I like to go out, I enjoy having a good time. Therefore, I can imagine there are men out there who are the same way.Does that place them in the category of playa’s then because going out for a male is different than going out for a female. Of course you can not place everyone in a category, but in a sense we all stereotype those we see at clubs and bars. You see some people as going out to just have a good time, some want a quick lay, others are desperate to find a partner, and then some enjoy to drink and listen to music without being bothered. How do we weed it all out? Well we don’t. We sit and hope that your paths cross with Mr. Right. That’s how most people found their one and only; by chance. Now if I can actually accept that fact.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Success!!!!
Yeahhhhh Buddy! We had a great night last night. I am very proud of my ladies. Last night I went hunting with Wing lady #1 and #2.
First stop was Taylor's because it started raining as Wing lady #1 (WL#1) and I were heading to Centanni. As soon as we walked in we were eyed by four men. We immediately gave our sweet smiles and sat right next to them. The dude next to me said hello and went back to chatting with his crew. We got our drinks and waited to see what the men would do.
Tell me why they did the 25 Abigail.
The shit was wack. Ol' boy pointed at WL#1 and talked to his boy. That was it. He didn't come over until I did the 50/50 Abigail to get him over and told him that he just needed to talk to her. I started chatting up his boy, Alex, who was...interesting and entertaining. Next thing I know WL#1's man, Dillon, walks over to me and says "she is leaving in 2 weeks I cant talk to her". AKA he was looking for a wife and she was no longer an option. I really didn't know what to think of that. My immediate reaction was loser! Can't you just talk to someone to enjoy your night and just be around people in general?
WL#2 picked us up from Taylor's and we headed to Centanni. A very cute location, but we didn't stay because we were on the prowl for a more diverse/ single crowd. So we headed to Soho 7.
Jackpot!
What a lovely place with beautiful people. Alpha Females and Males all over the place. It was amazing how our mental dynamic changed too because we recognized that everyone had options and could take their pick of their type and taste. There was one particular male who was very interesting.
All of us noticed him off the bat from the crowd with his stylish suit, smooth bald head, and confident stance. Then we saw him up close.
***Record Scratch***
Homeboy was old and was on the prowl more than we were. He was talking to every other female in the place and looked like a Playa Playa! Like those men who have a room with leopard print sheets, red pillows, and whips. MmmmHmmm you know those weird ones I am talking about. No thank you Mam. Moving right along...
Juan met us at Soho 7 and was sweet, fun, and chill as always. He did not bring any friends with him because they were all headed to Hot Water Nightclub. As I chatted him up, my ladies made moves on some new fellas that we had seen walk in. These men looked smooth and were oh so stylish. I have to say I was definitely a lil' jealous that I had to entertain my friend instead of hunt, but it was all good because he was not going to be around all night.
Juan went to Hot Water to meet with his friends and I pranced on over to my ladies. They had done well. I felt like a proud mother. They picked up the two beauties and were obviously really comfortable with the both of them (Tionne and Mike). Soon enough two more of their boys came over (Wayne and Quinten). All of them were mad cool! We all chatted, danced, and shared info back and forth. WL#2 was definitely the winner of the night with three dudes sweating her and passing their numbers to her. WL#1 met the most men of the night. Bold as hell talking to everyone within our vicinity. I got everyone's info and landed a meeting for Thursday with Tionne for some Chicago stepping. Plus Tionne and Mike both said that all of us have to get together before WL#1 and I leave for our next destinations.
It hit 2pm and it was definitely time for us to head on home. I emailed Tionne and Mike this morning to pass my Milwaukee Budget Nightlife sight onto them. Then I received a text from WL#2 saying that Mr. Wayne and her had been texting throughout the morning. A few hours later, I learn that she has a dinner date.
Bingo! One of my ladies has met the goal.
Now you see why this was definitely a successful night!
First stop was Taylor's because it started raining as Wing lady #1 (WL#1) and I were heading to Centanni. As soon as we walked in we were eyed by four men. We immediately gave our sweet smiles and sat right next to them. The dude next to me said hello and went back to chatting with his crew. We got our drinks and waited to see what the men would do.
Tell me why they did the 25 Abigail.
The shit was wack. Ol' boy pointed at WL#1 and talked to his boy. That was it. He didn't come over until I did the 50/50 Abigail to get him over and told him that he just needed to talk to her. I started chatting up his boy, Alex, who was...interesting and entertaining. Next thing I know WL#1's man, Dillon, walks over to me and says "she is leaving in 2 weeks I cant talk to her". AKA he was looking for a wife and she was no longer an option. I really didn't know what to think of that. My immediate reaction was loser! Can't you just talk to someone to enjoy your night and just be around people in general?
WL#2 picked us up from Taylor's and we headed to Centanni. A very cute location, but we didn't stay because we were on the prowl for a more diverse/ single crowd. So we headed to Soho 7.
Jackpot!
What a lovely place with beautiful people. Alpha Females and Males all over the place. It was amazing how our mental dynamic changed too because we recognized that everyone had options and could take their pick of their type and taste. There was one particular male who was very interesting.
All of us noticed him off the bat from the crowd with his stylish suit, smooth bald head, and confident stance. Then we saw him up close.
***Record Scratch***
Homeboy was old and was on the prowl more than we were. He was talking to every other female in the place and looked like a Playa Playa! Like those men who have a room with leopard print sheets, red pillows, and whips. MmmmHmmm you know those weird ones I am talking about. No thank you Mam. Moving right along...
Juan met us at Soho 7 and was sweet, fun, and chill as always. He did not bring any friends with him because they were all headed to Hot Water Nightclub. As I chatted him up, my ladies made moves on some new fellas that we had seen walk in. These men looked smooth and were oh so stylish. I have to say I was definitely a lil' jealous that I had to entertain my friend instead of hunt, but it was all good because he was not going to be around all night.
Juan went to Hot Water to meet with his friends and I pranced on over to my ladies. They had done well. I felt like a proud mother. They picked up the two beauties and were obviously really comfortable with the both of them (Tionne and Mike). Soon enough two more of their boys came over (Wayne and Quinten). All of them were mad cool! We all chatted, danced, and shared info back and forth. WL#2 was definitely the winner of the night with three dudes sweating her and passing their numbers to her. WL#1 met the most men of the night. Bold as hell talking to everyone within our vicinity. I got everyone's info and landed a meeting for Thursday with Tionne for some Chicago stepping. Plus Tionne and Mike both said that all of us have to get together before WL#1 and I leave for our next destinations.
It hit 2pm and it was definitely time for us to head on home. I emailed Tionne and Mike this morning to pass my Milwaukee Budget Nightlife sight onto them. Then I received a text from WL#2 saying that Mr. Wayne and her had been texting throughout the morning. A few hours later, I learn that she has a dinner date.
Bingo! One of my ladies has met the goal.
Now you see why this was definitely a successful night!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Is Getting Picked Up By Strippers A Success?
I brought wing lady number two with me last night to scope the town. First, we hit up Notte to get a drink. We took a shot with the beautiful - yet unavailable - DJ Fred, ordered our signature drinks, and chilled at the bar to get a good view of the men in the club. We were there early so options were slim, but we did discover two targets. But, here’s the catch. They were on their phones texting. What do you do with that? If I interrupted them, would that be annoying? Can you even approach people when they are texting? Are they talking to lady friends or attempting to occupy their time because they are alone?
Target #1 was all up in his phone so we didn’t even try to break that ice. Target #2 was another case. We thought he was a bouncer so, for fun, I approached him, told him that I knew he was on the job but my girl and I wanted to let him know that he was very handsome. Well… ends up he didn’t work at the club he just happened to be wearing a black suite like the rest of the bouncers. So I told him that he should hang out with us after he got his drink. Then I walked away expecting him to follow me. The lil’ nigglet didn’t. Immediately, I thought maybe he is waiting for someone? But, no, he wasn’t. He hopped on his phone and got to texting. Then got off, took a sip of his drink, texted some more, turned around, and put his back to the bar and chilled. What the F! Two beautiful women just told you, you were handsome, come chat. And he didn’t. We decided to leave and while passing him by he told us goodbye. Ok, I think homeboy was slow or something. Maybe he was taken aback at the fact that two women would approach him like that. I dunno.
Next we headed to ZenDen. My girl eyed her target and I helped her out by approaching their group and asking them to come talk to us when they had a moment. As we were waiting, another dude approached us with a card. Homeboy was bald, muscular and wearing a graphic tee. Obviously some sort of promoter. But lo and behold, he was a bit more than a club promoter. He was a stripper promoting his self and his crew of strippers from the Bronx. Once again, what the F!
I have to say this was quite entertaining, but at the same time pitiful. Was our body language screaming desperation and sexual need? Is that the scent available women give off? I mean shit, do I look that needy. Yeah, my ego definitely became a bit unsettled. Because, you see, at the same time, while we were looking pitiful enough that a stripper had to talk to us, we also had to look decent enough for them to approach. Maybe they noticed how open and fun we were so they decided to come over. Or is that just a pitiful attempt at trying to justify why a stripper would approach me? We ended up meeting all four of the strippers and had a full conversation with one of them. He told us about a show they were doing at the Scottish Masonic Center, and of course we got the invite. Did I go… nope. I wasn’t about to be that girl.
Oh and btw the group of males I approached for my girlfriend never came over to chat. Instead they started talking to some cougar. Can you see my lips pursing right now.
Next stop was Bar Louie; waste of time. So the last stop became Cush. Talk about wack. We met one of my old targets there and he was all types of clingy. Men, that is a turn off. Say hello and then walk away for a while. Don’t stay by me all night. Yuck! I also found out that he lived with his mother. Isn’t that great. You can tell I am really interested.
I attribute this interesting hunting session to the fact that today is Easter so many of the good ones were probably visiting family or being holy and staying in. Next week, myself and wing lady number one are meeting up with Juan and his friends for salsa dancing. Cross your fingers that something good comes of this.
Target #1 was all up in his phone so we didn’t even try to break that ice. Target #2 was another case. We thought he was a bouncer so, for fun, I approached him, told him that I knew he was on the job but my girl and I wanted to let him know that he was very handsome. Well… ends up he didn’t work at the club he just happened to be wearing a black suite like the rest of the bouncers. So I told him that he should hang out with us after he got his drink. Then I walked away expecting him to follow me. The lil’ nigglet didn’t. Immediately, I thought maybe he is waiting for someone? But, no, he wasn’t. He hopped on his phone and got to texting. Then got off, took a sip of his drink, texted some more, turned around, and put his back to the bar and chilled. What the F! Two beautiful women just told you, you were handsome, come chat. And he didn’t. We decided to leave and while passing him by he told us goodbye. Ok, I think homeboy was slow or something. Maybe he was taken aback at the fact that two women would approach him like that. I dunno.
Next we headed to ZenDen. My girl eyed her target and I helped her out by approaching their group and asking them to come talk to us when they had a moment. As we were waiting, another dude approached us with a card. Homeboy was bald, muscular and wearing a graphic tee. Obviously some sort of promoter. But lo and behold, he was a bit more than a club promoter. He was a stripper promoting his self and his crew of strippers from the Bronx. Once again, what the F!
I have to say this was quite entertaining, but at the same time pitiful. Was our body language screaming desperation and sexual need? Is that the scent available women give off? I mean shit, do I look that needy. Yeah, my ego definitely became a bit unsettled. Because, you see, at the same time, while we were looking pitiful enough that a stripper had to talk to us, we also had to look decent enough for them to approach. Maybe they noticed how open and fun we were so they decided to come over. Or is that just a pitiful attempt at trying to justify why a stripper would approach me? We ended up meeting all four of the strippers and had a full conversation with one of them. He told us about a show they were doing at the Scottish Masonic Center, and of course we got the invite. Did I go… nope. I wasn’t about to be that girl.
Oh and btw the group of males I approached for my girlfriend never came over to chat. Instead they started talking to some cougar. Can you see my lips pursing right now.
Next stop was Bar Louie; waste of time. So the last stop became Cush. Talk about wack. We met one of my old targets there and he was all types of clingy. Men, that is a turn off. Say hello and then walk away for a while. Don’t stay by me all night. Yuck! I also found out that he lived with his mother. Isn’t that great. You can tell I am really interested.
I attribute this interesting hunting session to the fact that today is Easter so many of the good ones were probably visiting family or being holy and staying in. Next week, myself and wing lady number one are meeting up with Juan and his friends for salsa dancing. Cross your fingers that something good comes of this.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Finally A Normal Night
So all my other hunting adventures have ended kind of awkward. Last night was my first normal one with great insights into male signals.
My wing lady and I stood on our tiptoes, outside of Meze Cafe and Lounge, looking through the window to see if they had a crowd. As we discussed our options, two guys came out. Now something yall need to know about me, here in Milwaukee, is that I have a Black Man Radar that has emerged in my months here. My Black Man Radar is basically a quick identity scan of any and all African American Men that pass me by because I rarely see any here in the city. My scan consists of three elements; clothing, attractiveness, and physical build. Yes, I recognize this is shallow, but lets be honest, you want to be with someone you are attracted to and feel they are on your level. So I judge and then talk. The main reason why my Black Man Radar has emerged is because you don't see ANY Black Men in downtown Milwaukee. Yes you will find your brothers on the North side but the majority of them are not my type nor on my level. Plus I never GO on the North side, so I don't get to see them. Hell, if I had the ability to be on the North Side I would probably be scanning those brotha's too. Anyways back to our story....
As we were trying to see who was in Meze two men walked out. One Hispanic, one black, and the radar went on. They told us no one was in there and they were headed to Mikey's. We were going to Taylor's so I told them, "No. You guys need to come with us two beautiful ladies to Taylor's." Yep. Just as bold as that. They looked at each other and said ok.
We sat at Taylor's chit chatted for a little bit, and little did these men know we were observing their actions. Here is what I learned:
1. Sit at the bar with guys you randomly pick up on the street, so you can get out of a situation if you do not like it. Not saying they were bad at all, we just didn't even get a chance to check our options.
2. They did not try to buy our drinks so they were not immediately interested in us, they were just chillin' like we were. Which was ok, scoping the situation.
3. The black guy mentioned that he had kids and was the first to finish his drink, while his boy was nursing his. Verbal translation * The father was more interested in seeing what Mikey's had to give while his friend wouldn't have minded sitting with us for a little longer.
4. The Father gave us his email address which meant he thought we were cool but he didn't know exactly what to do with us.
While we were talking to these men, another brother walked in. I was like shit! Gotta get rid of these cats. LoL! ....Ain't that awful... I hope no one ever says that about me. Anyway, as soon as the two guys we picked up left, my girl called over the dude I had been eyeing. I haven't had such easy and fun conversation with a male individual in a lonnnngggg time. It was great.
Our new buddy was from the Dominican Republic and had a passion for life. He enjoyed going out, playing the piano, and learning about our lives. Homeboy even offered to get both of us drinks. We had to wake up early for work, so having a third rum and pineapple for the night was not an option. So we got his email addi, said our goodbyes, and headed home.
"So what did you think?" said my wing lady. I told her I wasn't really interested. Immediately she retorted back, "Why?" And I said, "Hes not really my type. Hes fun, and a great conversationalist, but I don't think I am attracted to him in that way." What an interesting reaction to a guy who was polite, could hold a conversation, was unique, and in general was a good time. After I thought about it some more, I was like why not just get to know the kid and see where things go instead of predicting my feelings. Just be. So that's what I am going to do. Send him an e-mail and just be.
My wing lady and I stood on our tiptoes, outside of Meze Cafe and Lounge, looking through the window to see if they had a crowd. As we discussed our options, two guys came out. Now something yall need to know about me, here in Milwaukee, is that I have a Black Man Radar that has emerged in my months here. My Black Man Radar is basically a quick identity scan of any and all African American Men that pass me by because I rarely see any here in the city. My scan consists of three elements; clothing, attractiveness, and physical build. Yes, I recognize this is shallow, but lets be honest, you want to be with someone you are attracted to and feel they are on your level. So I judge and then talk. The main reason why my Black Man Radar has emerged is because you don't see ANY Black Men in downtown Milwaukee. Yes you will find your brothers on the North side but the majority of them are not my type nor on my level. Plus I never GO on the North side, so I don't get to see them. Hell, if I had the ability to be on the North Side I would probably be scanning those brotha's too. Anyways back to our story....
As we were trying to see who was in Meze two men walked out. One Hispanic, one black, and the radar went on. They told us no one was in there and they were headed to Mikey's. We were going to Taylor's so I told them, "No. You guys need to come with us two beautiful ladies to Taylor's." Yep. Just as bold as that. They looked at each other and said ok.
We sat at Taylor's chit chatted for a little bit, and little did these men know we were observing their actions. Here is what I learned:
1. Sit at the bar with guys you randomly pick up on the street, so you can get out of a situation if you do not like it. Not saying they were bad at all, we just didn't even get a chance to check our options.
2. They did not try to buy our drinks so they were not immediately interested in us, they were just chillin' like we were. Which was ok, scoping the situation.
3. The black guy mentioned that he had kids and was the first to finish his drink, while his boy was nursing his. Verbal translation * The father was more interested in seeing what Mikey's had to give while his friend wouldn't have minded sitting with us for a little longer.
4. The Father gave us his email address which meant he thought we were cool but he didn't know exactly what to do with us.
While we were talking to these men, another brother walked in. I was like shit! Gotta get rid of these cats. LoL! ....Ain't that awful... I hope no one ever says that about me. Anyway, as soon as the two guys we picked up left, my girl called over the dude I had been eyeing. I haven't had such easy and fun conversation with a male individual in a lonnnngggg time. It was great.
Our new buddy was from the Dominican Republic and had a passion for life. He enjoyed going out, playing the piano, and learning about our lives. Homeboy even offered to get both of us drinks. We had to wake up early for work, so having a third rum and pineapple for the night was not an option. So we got his email addi, said our goodbyes, and headed home.
"So what did you think?" said my wing lady. I told her I wasn't really interested. Immediately she retorted back, "Why?" And I said, "Hes not really my type. Hes fun, and a great conversationalist, but I don't think I am attracted to him in that way." What an interesting reaction to a guy who was polite, could hold a conversation, was unique, and in general was a good time. After I thought about it some more, I was like why not just get to know the kid and see where things go instead of predicting my feelings. Just be. So that's what I am going to do. Send him an e-mail and just be.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Advice
As I have been conducting these experiments I have recieved plenty of verbal feedback on the subject. I encourage you all to leave comments on the page so others can here your responses too. Here are a some thoughts and bits of advice people have passed on to me.
1. Women can pick up any man they want, and get what they want
2. Read Steve Harvey's "Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man"
3. Do not text the guy you are interested in. You can not tell the tone of their voice, and it is pure laziness in really trying to get to know someone from both ends.
4. Do not sleep with a man until after 3 months has passed.
5. Men are intimidated when you look too good.
6. Men want to feel WANTED not NEEDED.
7. Ask a guy out for dinner and see what he says.
8. Milwaukee men are not aggressive.
My next adventure is actually with two of my male friends and my wing lady. The men will act as if they are not with us but take the opportunity to observe us in action and for them to try picking up women. This may be a disaster. Or possibly not a factor at all. We shall see. Im a bit nervous, but hopefully the nerves will fuel me. Leave your thoughts and stay tuned!
1. Women can pick up any man they want, and get what they want
2. Read Steve Harvey's "Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man"
3. Do not text the guy you are interested in. You can not tell the tone of their voice, and it is pure laziness in really trying to get to know someone from both ends.
4. Do not sleep with a man until after 3 months has passed.
5. Men are intimidated when you look too good.
6. Men want to feel WANTED not NEEDED.
7. Ask a guy out for dinner and see what he says.
8. Milwaukee men are not aggressive.
My next adventure is actually with two of my male friends and my wing lady. The men will act as if they are not with us but take the opportunity to observe us in action and for them to try picking up women. This may be a disaster. Or possibly not a factor at all. We shall see. Im a bit nervous, but hopefully the nerves will fuel me. Leave your thoughts and stay tuned!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Intimidating, Say What?!?!
I had a great conversation with my ex-boyfriend tonight on why guys do not approach females. I have been singing to the heavens that females feel neglected by men of today. I walk around with some of the hottest girls in town and we are not given the time of day. Maybe a look, a smile, a nod, a whisper about us to one of their friends; words that never reach our yearning ears. Nothing proactive. What does a girl have to do get some attention???
"Its not you, its them". Says my boy in South Carolina.
"But, why! I just want a conversation, a hello, hell, a date if it comes to that. I am among the thousands of females on this earth experiencing a drought. We are in need of sustenance." I retorted back.
As Mr. Carolina described it, men are intimidated. What he told me actually made sense. We have all seen the girls at the clubs in their stilettos, shiny cute dresses, and hair and nails done to the nine. They look good and even you are intimidated by their beauty. Well have you ever thought that you may look like that to men and not even know it. No, we do not all look the same, have the same style, nor dress like those gorgeous girls at the clubs. Each of us have our personal characteristics that make men intimidated.
Mr. Carolina said that I may not dress like a Kardashian but my style is in their range and my demeanor comes off as a girl you can not just sleep with. Then he described one of my girlfriends. She dresses much plainer, but she is a pretty girl that a man doesn't want to disappoint or lead a stray. OK, well at least I got a bit of a confidence boost and now know men don't think I am a pariah. But still, I don't want to be neglected just because I am seen as a catch that they are unsure of being able to get. Nor do I want to lower my standards or personal characteristics in order to help boost male confidence.
So whats a girl to do?
Well... I don't have an answer. The solution for now is to wait and know that there are go-getter men out there who will hopefully approach me in the near future. We shall see!
"Its not you, its them". Says my boy in South Carolina.
"But, why! I just want a conversation, a hello, hell, a date if it comes to that. I am among the thousands of females on this earth experiencing a drought. We are in need of sustenance." I retorted back.
As Mr. Carolina described it, men are intimidated. What he told me actually made sense. We have all seen the girls at the clubs in their stilettos, shiny cute dresses, and hair and nails done to the nine. They look good and even you are intimidated by their beauty. Well have you ever thought that you may look like that to men and not even know it. No, we do not all look the same, have the same style, nor dress like those gorgeous girls at the clubs. Each of us have our personal characteristics that make men intimidated.
Mr. Carolina said that I may not dress like a Kardashian but my style is in their range and my demeanor comes off as a girl you can not just sleep with. Then he described one of my girlfriends. She dresses much plainer, but she is a pretty girl that a man doesn't want to disappoint or lead a stray. OK, well at least I got a bit of a confidence boost and now know men don't think I am a pariah. But still, I don't want to be neglected just because I am seen as a catch that they are unsure of being able to get. Nor do I want to lower my standards or personal characteristics in order to help boost male confidence.
So whats a girl to do?
Well... I don't have an answer. The solution for now is to wait and know that there are go-getter men out there who will hopefully approach me in the near future. We shall see!
Saturday, March 21, 2009
They look, but they dont touch
"You spot a target yet?" yells one of my girls over the music.
"Ive seen some but I'm not sure about this setting and dynamic," I yell back into her ear.
We checked out Suite Nightclub last night. A posh spot filled with a musical mix of the latest hits, ladies in their best dresses, and men in their metro-sexual " I look good" outfits. Most importantly, the clientele were all 10's. Everyone was beautiful or at least tucked in and pulled out whatever they needed to in order to become a 10. You don't find Milwaukee's Best all hanging out at one location, so I was very pleased to have several options. The problem was, the dynamic.
The music was loud (as you can only expect for a dance club), it was crowded, and you had the usual group of people who stood on the sidelines like they were too cool for school. When it comes to nightclubs, I tuck that cool card away and get ready for a good time. So that's what the ladies and I did. We grooved to the bass, occasionally letting our lips linger on our champagne flutes. Just looking sexy as shit. Or maybe not sexy enough...
I got a lot of lingering looks from the assembled wallflowers, but NO action. A group of 5 gentleman had to pick their jaws off the ground when I walked by, but no one said a word. They only whispered and smiled back and forth to each other. In another instance I made eye contact with an interest. He looked back at me giving me the "sexy eye". I gave him a nod that clearly said, come over here. Did he move a beat. Nope. Just took a swig of his drink with his eyes, still, locked on me. Maybe that drink did something for him, because 20mins later we danced to two songs together. Never exchanging a word. Then he walked away as if he was satisfied with what he got, not needing more. What?!?! Its like he just hit it and quit it. Wierd!
Lastly I decided to make a move and see what happened. I spotted the perfect guy for me. Great build, clean cut, beautiful smile, and chocolate skin. I sashayed on over to him, tapped his right hand, placed my card in it, gave a smile/nod and walked back to my wing lady. Oh yeah it felt smooth...but today I realize it was passive. Homeboy has no idea what to do with what I gave him now. Instead he just has the pride of being picked up by a female without any effort.
All in all, it turned out to be a fun and informative night. My girls and I looked great. We drank, we danced, we admired, and we met a really cool group of guys who just enjoyed dancing for the fun of it. By the end of the night, we exchanged information. Hopefully they will invite us to their next danceathon, because they were a great time.
So what did SistaYvonne learn:
1. Having a good wing lady helps so much with your confidence, mood, and vibe. Thanks chica!
2. Do not be passive if you hit on a guy. Dropping them a gift and then leaving makes them interested, but also leaves them hanging. They have no idea who you are, and what you are really about. Hence the reason why the PUA Bible says do not buy a woman a drink. Anyone can do that, but how many people can hold a good conversation?
3. A nightclub is NOT the best places to work on your pick up skills. Its a hard dynamic due to the given atmosphere.
4. If you are in a location with nearly all 10's that means you are not the only Alpha Female in the room. Therefore, dont expect every man to fall all over you. They have options, so they can be picky. Just as women may not take their first pick when walking in a room, men wont either.
What I need to work on:
1. Using my eyes and smile to get a guy to do more than just eye me and smile back.
2. More ways to start a conversation and approaching someone without being awkward. The drop off and run doesn't work. Trust me. I now know.
3. How to grab the energy of a room and take it over. Basically, become a magnet, all eyes on me.
Stay tuned for my next adventure. And if you are in Milwaukee, or know about the area, I would LOVE suggestions as to good places to check out for finding a diverse group of men.
"Ive seen some but I'm not sure about this setting and dynamic," I yell back into her ear.
We checked out Suite Nightclub last night. A posh spot filled with a musical mix of the latest hits, ladies in their best dresses, and men in their metro-sexual " I look good" outfits. Most importantly, the clientele were all 10's. Everyone was beautiful or at least tucked in and pulled out whatever they needed to in order to become a 10. You don't find Milwaukee's Best all hanging out at one location, so I was very pleased to have several options. The problem was, the dynamic.
The music was loud (as you can only expect for a dance club), it was crowded, and you had the usual group of people who stood on the sidelines like they were too cool for school. When it comes to nightclubs, I tuck that cool card away and get ready for a good time. So that's what the ladies and I did. We grooved to the bass, occasionally letting our lips linger on our champagne flutes. Just looking sexy as shit. Or maybe not sexy enough...
I got a lot of lingering looks from the assembled wallflowers, but NO action. A group of 5 gentleman had to pick their jaws off the ground when I walked by, but no one said a word. They only whispered and smiled back and forth to each other. In another instance I made eye contact with an interest. He looked back at me giving me the "sexy eye". I gave him a nod that clearly said, come over here. Did he move a beat. Nope. Just took a swig of his drink with his eyes, still, locked on me. Maybe that drink did something for him, because 20mins later we danced to two songs together. Never exchanging a word. Then he walked away as if he was satisfied with what he got, not needing more. What?!?! Its like he just hit it and quit it. Wierd!
Lastly I decided to make a move and see what happened. I spotted the perfect guy for me. Great build, clean cut, beautiful smile, and chocolate skin. I sashayed on over to him, tapped his right hand, placed my card in it, gave a smile/nod and walked back to my wing lady. Oh yeah it felt smooth...but today I realize it was passive. Homeboy has no idea what to do with what I gave him now. Instead he just has the pride of being picked up by a female without any effort.
All in all, it turned out to be a fun and informative night. My girls and I looked great. We drank, we danced, we admired, and we met a really cool group of guys who just enjoyed dancing for the fun of it. By the end of the night, we exchanged information. Hopefully they will invite us to their next danceathon, because they were a great time.
So what did SistaYvonne learn:
1. Having a good wing lady helps so much with your confidence, mood, and vibe. Thanks chica!
2. Do not be passive if you hit on a guy. Dropping them a gift and then leaving makes them interested, but also leaves them hanging. They have no idea who you are, and what you are really about. Hence the reason why the PUA Bible says do not buy a woman a drink. Anyone can do that, but how many people can hold a good conversation?
3. A nightclub is NOT the best places to work on your pick up skills. Its a hard dynamic due to the given atmosphere.
4. If you are in a location with nearly all 10's that means you are not the only Alpha Female in the room. Therefore, dont expect every man to fall all over you. They have options, so they can be picky. Just as women may not take their first pick when walking in a room, men wont either.
What I need to work on:
1. Using my eyes and smile to get a guy to do more than just eye me and smile back.
2. More ways to start a conversation and approaching someone without being awkward. The drop off and run doesn't work. Trust me. I now know.
3. How to grab the energy of a room and take it over. Basically, become a magnet, all eyes on me.
Stay tuned for my next adventure. And if you are in Milwaukee, or know about the area, I would LOVE suggestions as to good places to check out for finding a diverse group of men.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Not Again!!!!
Get ready for this one. And maybe I feel like a turtle out of its shell because this occurred 30min. ago or it could just be a straight up awkward and uncomfortable situation... again.
So the ladies and I roll up to Mikey's. Yep the perfect ladies night with pearl vodka cocktails. We are an eclectic group. Four different shapes, ethnicities, and energies. Its truly beautiful. We ruled the bar, Alpha Females to the max. Then I see my target. A smooth brother with a fitted white t-shirt, hat, and clean cut beard. He was a little short for my taste, but I could deal for now. Heck, I just need to practice with what I got, right?
This time I try the 50/50 Abigail. What does that mean? Founded by my partner in crime, Abigail, this is a personal seductive move ingrained in this woman's body. There are two elements. You can use one, or the other, or both for maximum effect. Sexy smile - nod of the chin to the shoulder - with a twist. Or the point and hither. Point three times at him, and then beckon three times to yourself. I decided on the point and hither. Worked instantly. (It also helped that we made eye contact 1min. earlier).
He approaches the table, we make small talk, I give him my card and tell him it was nice meeting him. Yeah buddy! I closed off the situation this time. Then other men started coming in, and us ladies were still the Alpha Females. We could have grabbed any man that we wanted up in that piece. To add on to our glory, homeboy comes back with my card in his hand, makes a suggestion of another bar to check out. Card. In. Hand. What does that mean? That means homeboy has been showing off my card to the other brothas' that walked in, and thinking about the short conversation that transpired between us earlier.
Then it happened.
So the ladies and I roll up to Mikey's. Yep the perfect ladies night with pearl vodka cocktails. We are an eclectic group. Four different shapes, ethnicities, and energies. Its truly beautiful. We ruled the bar, Alpha Females to the max. Then I see my target. A smooth brother with a fitted white t-shirt, hat, and clean cut beard. He was a little short for my taste, but I could deal for now. Heck, I just need to practice with what I got, right?
This time I try the 50/50 Abigail. What does that mean? Founded by my partner in crime, Abigail, this is a personal seductive move ingrained in this woman's body. There are two elements. You can use one, or the other, or both for maximum effect. Sexy smile - nod of the chin to the shoulder - with a twist. Or the point and hither. Point three times at him, and then beckon three times to yourself. I decided on the point and hither. Worked instantly. (It also helped that we made eye contact 1min. earlier).
He approaches the table, we make small talk, I give him my card and tell him it was nice meeting him. Yeah buddy! I closed off the situation this time. Then other men started coming in, and us ladies were still the Alpha Females. We could have grabbed any man that we wanted up in that piece. To add on to our glory, homeboy comes back with my card in his hand, makes a suggestion of another bar to check out. Card. In. Hand. What does that mean? That means homeboy has been showing off my card to the other brothas' that walked in, and thinking about the short conversation that transpired between us earlier.
Then it happened.
Once Again Insert "Ughhhh" Here.
Who walks in... but the man I kind of dated for about 3 1/2wks and things ended off REALLY BADLY. I was definitely the bigger woman out of it, but we are NOT on speaking terms. Man Milwaukee is just too Motha' F'in' Small!!!! I have never seen this dude out since we broke things off. And the one night I am trying to do my thang he pops up. Go Figure.
So I play it cool, inform the ladies that Mista' Man has walked in. I go to the bathroom. My Eastern sista' comes in.
"Hey you wanna know something funny? Your Old boy is talking to your target." WHAT?!?!?!
A.) Old boy has probably seen my business card with my picture on it from New Boy.
B.) Old boy might have made a comment about me to New boy.
C.) I have to make contact with New boy before the end of the night and now its going to be all types of weird!
We leave the bathroom, the bar has cleared a little, and of course there's Old boy talking to New boy. Two of my girls decide they need to leave early. My Eastern sista', a male friend of ours, who has just arrived, and myself stay to finish up our drinks.
Now its time for us to leave. What do I do?
Well...I decide to do nothing. Which I announced, but apparently not all parties heard. I walk out quickly not even looking toward Old or New boy with my girl trailing behind. We reach outside, and my girl turns to me and says, "I awkwardly lagged behind a little and looked over at the men because I thought you were going to say good bye."
Insert another "Ughhhh" here.
She told me that New boy waved really awkwardly at my back, Old boy tried to look away while I was booking it out the door. Take a moment to picture that in your head. *Moment* Yeah... looks messy to me too.
What did we learn from this trip:
1. The 50/50 Abigail works like a charm, even from long distances across the room.
2. Milwaukee is REALLY small.
3. You can end any conversation you want by giving information, saying Ill talk to you later in the night, or alluding to possibly meeting up again next week at the same spot.
What do I need help with:
1. Stop allowing past encounters to hinder my game
2. As an Alpha Female, do not show off that you know you are among Alpha Females in any location.
So now I just hope New boy gives me a call and Old boy hasn't said a thing to him about me and our past situation. Ill let you know. Oh and as a follow up with Target #1 from my first night, he emailed me today saying we should party this weekend together. I'm still deciding on how to respond and what I really want. What do yall think???
Sunday, March 15, 2009
First Attempt
Balls to the walls ladies! I did it. Began my new experiment of picking up men. I am still working on the perameters of what this experiment should be, but I figured I should just jump in and swim. Heres what happened...
Its amazing how in Milwaukee you can barely find more than two places that foster a diverse crowd of people. After searching a couple of bars/clubs my winglady and I settled on a hot lil spot on the East side. Plenty of single ladies and men all looking to get a buzz and meet someone interesting. That was the funniest thing to look at. Large chunks of singles hanging together, looking around, calculating how to begin a conversation with there particular mystery man or woman.
I was among those chunks of people, but I was willing to pursue the situation. Then we spotted him. A smooth little dip and shoulder bop caught my eye and after much confidence coaching I went for it. Tapped Mr. Man on the shoulder, told him my girl and I saw him dancing and thought he was interesting. When he gets a moment he should could come talk to us. Then I walked away.
DAMN!!! That shit was scary. But it worked...
I had hit on this guy before at another bar. Yep, with the same winglady. He was nice enough, but nothing came of it, because HE didnt make anything of it. That was a good and awkward moment. So him and I chat, his friend comes over and chats, Mr. Man chats some more, my girl chats with him, I dance with him, my girl dances with him...yeah...we hadnt figured out exactly how to close off the situation. Eventually he decides that he needs to check on his boys. I write my e-mail addi on a piece of a paper and give it to him and peace out of that spot.
OK, so what did we learn from this:
1. As soon as you see a target, take a breath and go for it. Same situation as Bandaids :)
2. Give him the option so he has to work a lil bit. And you can find out whether or not he is really interested
3. Take a good look at him before you actually go for it, to make sure you havent picked him up before, because that was AWKWARD!
What I need to figure out from this situation:
1. How to close the deal off when I am done with the conversation.
Any suggestions???? Leave your thoughts, so I can apply them tonight on my next man hunt adventure.
Its amazing how in Milwaukee you can barely find more than two places that foster a diverse crowd of people. After searching a couple of bars/clubs my winglady and I settled on a hot lil spot on the East side. Plenty of single ladies and men all looking to get a buzz and meet someone interesting. That was the funniest thing to look at. Large chunks of singles hanging together, looking around, calculating how to begin a conversation with there particular mystery man or woman.
I was among those chunks of people, but I was willing to pursue the situation. Then we spotted him. A smooth little dip and shoulder bop caught my eye and after much confidence coaching I went for it. Tapped Mr. Man on the shoulder, told him my girl and I saw him dancing and thought he was interesting. When he gets a moment he should could come talk to us. Then I walked away.
DAMN!!! That shit was scary. But it worked...
15min. later Mr. Man was at my side chatting it up with me and my girl. Then the ball dropped.
*INSERT a long "Ughhhh", that I clocked in my head in this moment*
OK, so what did we learn from this:
1. As soon as you see a target, take a breath and go for it. Same situation as Bandaids :)
2. Give him the option so he has to work a lil bit. And you can find out whether or not he is really interested
3. Take a good look at him before you actually go for it, to make sure you havent picked him up before, because that was AWKWARD!
What I need to figure out from this situation:
1. How to close the deal off when I am done with the conversation.
Any suggestions???? Leave your thoughts, so I can apply them tonight on my next man hunt adventure.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Single In The City
How you feeling Milwaukee!!!!! ....... Yeah..... I hear that silence too. Generally it occurs on Sunday, Tuesday and during the winter. During the winter?!? I thought those from the North were accustomed to -20 degree weather and winds up to 30mph. "Of course not, we are human" , says one of the stitchers at The Rep. Well then, since its cold as mess outside we should all be hugged up with something good to warm our body and soul. Red wine, Brueggers tomato basil soup, a man...
* SCREECHING NOISE IS HEARD IMMEDIATELY**
A Man? But where do you find a Good Single Man these days. Well I decided to do some searching. Maybe the good ol' TV situation would work. Sit at Starbucks and my tall drink of water walks in. Nope, how about just some skater kids, a mom with her three daughters, and a coworker.
Alright next stop, jazz at a really cute bar (Mikeys) with a variety of visitors. The band was hot and so was the crowd. All ten of us including me, myself, and I.
Last chance a hip bar/restaurant in the middle of downtown. Known to have plenty of people always on the weekends. Definitely had some cute prospects but apparently eye contact and a nice smile don't work in this day and age.
Ladies tell me what we gotta do? There are several accomplished, gorgeous, sweet women out here, but where are the men to fulfill our wants and needs. I'm COLD! I want a secure arm around my waist with a body temperature warmer than mine.
Maybe I should get a pet. Nope, nope, that wont fulfill ALL my needs.
Yes this is the age old question, but I mean fo' real, I want an answer. Soooo I plan on doing a lil' hunting and gathering. My homeboy told me about a book him and a friend of his are reading about how to pick up women. I am interested in discovering how to pick up a man. How to choose the right ones and not come off as a flighty. Because us good women out here are in search of something worth our time, but we (myself included) are always WAITING for it to come to us. So lets turn the tides a bit and try it the other way. Ill let you know how it goes. Be sure to stay tuned.
* SCREECHING NOISE IS HEARD IMMEDIATELY**
A Man? But where do you find a Good Single Man these days. Well I decided to do some searching. Maybe the good ol' TV situation would work. Sit at Starbucks and my tall drink of water walks in. Nope, how about just some skater kids, a mom with her three daughters, and a coworker.
Alright next stop, jazz at a really cute bar (Mikeys) with a variety of visitors. The band was hot and so was the crowd. All ten of us including me, myself, and I.
Last chance a hip bar/restaurant in the middle of downtown. Known to have plenty of people always on the weekends. Definitely had some cute prospects but apparently eye contact and a nice smile don't work in this day and age.
Ladies tell me what we gotta do? There are several accomplished, gorgeous, sweet women out here, but where are the men to fulfill our wants and needs. I'm COLD! I want a secure arm around my waist with a body temperature warmer than mine.
Maybe I should get a pet. Nope, nope, that wont fulfill ALL my needs.
Yes this is the age old question, but I mean fo' real, I want an answer. Soooo I plan on doing a lil' hunting and gathering. My homeboy told me about a book him and a friend of his are reading about how to pick up women. I am interested in discovering how to pick up a man. How to choose the right ones and not come off as a flighty. Because us good women out here are in search of something worth our time, but we (myself included) are always WAITING for it to come to us. So lets turn the tides a bit and try it the other way. Ill let you know how it goes. Be sure to stay tuned.
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