So Single Ladies has been picked up by Examiner.com. I am now the National Pick Up Examiner. Check my articles at http://www.examiner.com/x-12807-Pick-Up-Examiner
Same stuff plus more.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Getting Stood Up
That is never a good feeling. Here are the sad, embarrassing details...
Jackie and I planned to go on a cabin trip this past weekend in Virginia. The plans were extremely shifty and flaky, as usual. I talk about Jackie in The Date and in This Is Why They Don't Call . Of course, I overlook the flakes and go with my emotions, after having a lovely evening together and wanting to do it again.
The cabin trip was to last from Friday through Sunday morning. I told Jackie I was going to go to VA on Thursday in order to visit WL#1. She lives in Northern VA, 3hours from my parents home in NJ and 4 hours from our cabin. A perfect halfway point and addition to my weekend adventure. I arrived at WL#1's home and we started evaluating Jackie's flaky actions. Here is what I had been dealing with:
1. Taking forever to book a cabin and then doing it the night before I leave.
2. Receiving text messages not pertaining to the cabin, but instead emotional commentary.
3. Late night phone calls.
4. A whole lot of talk and not enough action.
As I got into bed anxious for the following day I decided that this cabin trip would be the last thing I did with Jackie for good, because he was way too complicated for me. I believe that any bond you have with a person should be a give and take and not leave you wondering constantly about the status of the relationship.
I woke up at 7am and my sixth sense was punching me in the stomach. After stewing on all the possibilities for a few hours I finally got up to take a shower and hopefully wash away my worries. When I got out of the shower, I looked at my phone and saw that I had a series of text messages from Jackie. The accumulated messages stated that he was very sorry because he had to go to Tennessee for a last minute job interview for the position of Associate Dean of a University. He could not reschedule with them and felt bad about canceling our trip. He did not want to hear the disappointment in my voice so hence the text messages and he would call me right before the interview which was to be at 2pm.
WTF! Ladies, I felt like I had been left at the alter. 3 hours and $50 dollars worth of gas and tolls had been wasted on this piece of shit of a man. I texted back three words.
Lose My Number
I sat on WL#1's bed for 30minutes thinking about my next move. I beat myself up for falling so easily into the hands of a player and thought about how I was going to tell my readers. WL#1 was a saint. We sat and talked for another hour so I would be calm enough to drive 3 hours back to NJ. The weather mirrored my mood perfectly. Water aggressively hit my windshield and several cars lined the highway with tow trucks behind them. Then there was me, tightly gripping the steering wheel and replaying the week events and conversations with Jackey over and over in my head.
When I got home I talked to my mother and she told me to send an email so that he knows he can not do that to other friends. So I did. I have a problem with always trying to be nice to people. Well this time I let that go and let him have it. I still don't feel good. I am hurt, but of course I learned plenty from the situation.
1. Do not put your guard down too quickly. Even if they SEEM to really be a good person. Its events like these that make us not trust the opposite sex. So do not allow yourself to get into a situation where you ended up hating an entire gender because of one person's stupid and awful actions.
2. If the signs are there do not take them for granted. Just because the person says the right things, does not mean they will follow them up with action. A few examples: Texts throughout the day, phone calls late at night, never making plans, creating excuses for their actions or lack of action more than once.
3. Allow the opposite sex you are interested in plan the ENTIRE date or event to show that they are actually in for good. Once again actions speak louder than words. People must show FULL commitment within a situation.
I don't believe Jackey's Tennessee crap for an instant or anything else he told me in the course of these three weeks that we were in contact. Luckily, I still have a bit of faith in the male race. So Sistayvonne is on the prowl once more. Stay on the lookout.
Jackie and I planned to go on a cabin trip this past weekend in Virginia. The plans were extremely shifty and flaky, as usual. I talk about Jackie in The Date and in This Is Why They Don't Call . Of course, I overlook the flakes and go with my emotions, after having a lovely evening together and wanting to do it again.
The cabin trip was to last from Friday through Sunday morning. I told Jackie I was going to go to VA on Thursday in order to visit WL#1. She lives in Northern VA, 3hours from my parents home in NJ and 4 hours from our cabin. A perfect halfway point and addition to my weekend adventure. I arrived at WL#1's home and we started evaluating Jackie's flaky actions. Here is what I had been dealing with:
1. Taking forever to book a cabin and then doing it the night before I leave.
2. Receiving text messages not pertaining to the cabin, but instead emotional commentary.
3. Late night phone calls.
4. A whole lot of talk and not enough action.
As I got into bed anxious for the following day I decided that this cabin trip would be the last thing I did with Jackie for good, because he was way too complicated for me. I believe that any bond you have with a person should be a give and take and not leave you wondering constantly about the status of the relationship.
I woke up at 7am and my sixth sense was punching me in the stomach. After stewing on all the possibilities for a few hours I finally got up to take a shower and hopefully wash away my worries. When I got out of the shower, I looked at my phone and saw that I had a series of text messages from Jackie. The accumulated messages stated that he was very sorry because he had to go to Tennessee for a last minute job interview for the position of Associate Dean of a University. He could not reschedule with them and felt bad about canceling our trip. He did not want to hear the disappointment in my voice so hence the text messages and he would call me right before the interview which was to be at 2pm.
WTF! Ladies, I felt like I had been left at the alter. 3 hours and $50 dollars worth of gas and tolls had been wasted on this piece of shit of a man. I texted back three words.
Lose My Number
I sat on WL#1's bed for 30minutes thinking about my next move. I beat myself up for falling so easily into the hands of a player and thought about how I was going to tell my readers. WL#1 was a saint. We sat and talked for another hour so I would be calm enough to drive 3 hours back to NJ. The weather mirrored my mood perfectly. Water aggressively hit my windshield and several cars lined the highway with tow trucks behind them. Then there was me, tightly gripping the steering wheel and replaying the week events and conversations with Jackey over and over in my head.
When I got home I talked to my mother and she told me to send an email so that he knows he can not do that to other friends. So I did. I have a problem with always trying to be nice to people. Well this time I let that go and let him have it. I still don't feel good. I am hurt, but of course I learned plenty from the situation.
1. Do not put your guard down too quickly. Even if they SEEM to really be a good person. Its events like these that make us not trust the opposite sex. So do not allow yourself to get into a situation where you ended up hating an entire gender because of one person's stupid and awful actions.
2. If the signs are there do not take them for granted. Just because the person says the right things, does not mean they will follow them up with action. A few examples: Texts throughout the day, phone calls late at night, never making plans, creating excuses for their actions or lack of action more than once.
3. Allow the opposite sex you are interested in plan the ENTIRE date or event to show that they are actually in for good. Once again actions speak louder than words. People must show FULL commitment within a situation.
I don't believe Jackey's Tennessee crap for an instant or anything else he told me in the course of these three weeks that we were in contact. Luckily, I still have a bit of faith in the male race. So Sistayvonne is on the prowl once more. Stay on the lookout.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Creativity in Dating: Tips for Men
Two of my male friends brought up excellent points about this experiment I have been conducting. Here is a quote from my boy "O":
"I see it (dating) as part of the racket called "the materials economy" but that i like to call "the bar-fashion-hookup industrial complex". like the military-industrial complex and the prison-industrial complex, it has wormed its way into what is otherwise a very natural process (channeling our attraction for/repulsion from each other, meeting needs for physical excitement and enjoyment, finding short- and long-term partnership, and even-- dare i believe it-- big love) and turned it into an overly staged and insecurity-inducing mechanism that's almost engineered to make money for various allied industries-- including media, alcohol, tobacco, drugs (legal and otherwise), real estate, music, and fashion-- while keeping you, your friends, and the guys who would otherwise date you isolated from each other via a concocted, maze-like complex of "dos-and-don'ts." the cruel irony is that it's not engineered for your and my desire, and especially not for black positionality; it's geared toward creating a place for concentrated moneymaking a distraction from really tough political choices. and, for my money, it leaves out the spontaneous-- the very stuff of love-- and the kind of stuff that we need for healing."
In layman's terms this means dating is something created by society that instead of helping us, hinder us, and gives money to "The Man".
I have to say I do agree with parts of this but at the same time I feel as if it is also an easy way to get out of the whole dating scheme. I agree that the whole, guy has to pay for dinner and movies shpeal has been created by the dating gods and at times can help the economy more than the couple at hand. Also, the nightlife scene gives everyone anxiety since they are facing a possible sea of rejection. But if we don't get together how do we get to know a guy? How do we know how much he is willing to give of himself to a lady? Actions speak louder than words and the dating scene has pushed men to do more than just talk about what they are about.
Women enjoy attention and spontaneity. If men actually took the time to PLAN something different for a date with ladies they would save money and see the woman's true colors.
For example, today, my dread locked friend invited me to hang out with him in Philly. Here's the dialogue:
Dreads: You wanna hang out?
Me: Sure, what are we going to do?
Dreads: "What do you want to do?"
Me: "I do not know Philly so you pick something." (I was also thinking in my head, "dummy you are the one that invited me to come hang out with you.")
Dreads: "Ummmm we can chill and watch a movie".
I enjoy movies but the hell I am going to some man's house just to "chill". The translation of that statement is "let me get in your pants". I do not take offense to it, because he is a man and had his first taste of my chocolaty goodness and wants to see how much farther he can actually get.
Me: Movies aren't really my thing. Can you think of something else because I do not know Philly.
Dreads: Let me think about it and Ill call you back.
(One Hour Later)
Dreads: Maybe we can go get something to eat.
Me: Its such a beautiful day out today maybe we can do something outside. ( I said this to hopefully get his brain juices working to find something else)
Dreads:OK
By the time I reach Philly, 40minutes later, he still has no idea what to do. I refuse to open my mouth, because I gave him a unique experience as written in my last piece. He then says we can run up the steps of The Art Museum a la Rocky. Yes! He finally gets it. I don't need you to spend money on me, I need you to spend a rich experience with me.
We hop in his car and head towards downtown. We pass by Fairmount Park which looks ridiculously gorgeous and vast so I switch it up and say lets grab a blanket and some ice cream and chill here. Once again, I planned the date, but at least he got a step forward in the whole original dating thing.
So we went to the park, talked, ate ice cream, sunbathed, and took a walk along a gravel path. Gentleman, this is what ladies want. Something sweet, unique, simple and fun. You do not have to shell out a thousand dollars or create an extravagant night. We want you to plan the evening and make it special for the two of us. Its not that hard people.
So I do believe in dating and I believe that the idea that it has been warped to benefit "The Man" is true. But I also believe that men have warped it to this state because they refuse to step out of the box and go the extra mile to plan an original date. As for going out to find a lady and the anxiety it instills on all parties, well this happens regardless of whether you are at a bookstore, Laundromat, or bar. It just happens that nightspots have a large concentration of it because it is random people out on the town for a good time and adventure.
"I see it (dating) as part of the racket called "the materials economy" but that i like to call "the bar-fashion-hookup industrial complex". like the military-industrial complex and the prison-industrial complex, it has wormed its way into what is otherwise a very natural process (channeling our attraction for/repulsion from each other, meeting needs for physical excitement and enjoyment, finding short- and long-term partnership, and even-- dare i believe it-- big love) and turned it into an overly staged and insecurity-inducing mechanism that's almost engineered to make money for various allied industries-- including media, alcohol, tobacco, drugs (legal and otherwise), real estate, music, and fashion-- while keeping you, your friends, and the guys who would otherwise date you isolated from each other via a concocted, maze-like complex of "dos-and-don'ts." the cruel irony is that it's not engineered for your and my desire, and especially not for black positionality; it's geared toward creating a place for concentrated moneymaking a distraction from really tough political choices. and, for my money, it leaves out the spontaneous-- the very stuff of love-- and the kind of stuff that we need for healing."
In layman's terms this means dating is something created by society that instead of helping us, hinder us, and gives money to "The Man".
I have to say I do agree with parts of this but at the same time I feel as if it is also an easy way to get out of the whole dating scheme. I agree that the whole, guy has to pay for dinner and movies shpeal has been created by the dating gods and at times can help the economy more than the couple at hand. Also, the nightlife scene gives everyone anxiety since they are facing a possible sea of rejection. But if we don't get together how do we get to know a guy? How do we know how much he is willing to give of himself to a lady? Actions speak louder than words and the dating scene has pushed men to do more than just talk about what they are about.
Women enjoy attention and spontaneity. If men actually took the time to PLAN something different for a date with ladies they would save money and see the woman's true colors.
For example, today, my dread locked friend invited me to hang out with him in Philly. Here's the dialogue:
Dreads: You wanna hang out?
Me: Sure, what are we going to do?
Dreads: "What do you want to do?"
Me: "I do not know Philly so you pick something." (I was also thinking in my head, "dummy you are the one that invited me to come hang out with you.")
Dreads: "Ummmm we can chill and watch a movie".
I enjoy movies but the hell I am going to some man's house just to "chill". The translation of that statement is "let me get in your pants". I do not take offense to it, because he is a man and had his first taste of my chocolaty goodness and wants to see how much farther he can actually get.
Me: Movies aren't really my thing. Can you think of something else because I do not know Philly.
Dreads: Let me think about it and Ill call you back.
(One Hour Later)
Dreads: Maybe we can go get something to eat.
Me: Its such a beautiful day out today maybe we can do something outside. ( I said this to hopefully get his brain juices working to find something else)
Dreads:OK
By the time I reach Philly, 40minutes later, he still has no idea what to do. I refuse to open my mouth, because I gave him a unique experience as written in my last piece. He then says we can run up the steps of The Art Museum a la Rocky. Yes! He finally gets it. I don't need you to spend money on me, I need you to spend a rich experience with me.
We hop in his car and head towards downtown. We pass by Fairmount Park which looks ridiculously gorgeous and vast so I switch it up and say lets grab a blanket and some ice cream and chill here. Once again, I planned the date, but at least he got a step forward in the whole original dating thing.
So we went to the park, talked, ate ice cream, sunbathed, and took a walk along a gravel path. Gentleman, this is what ladies want. Something sweet, unique, simple and fun. You do not have to shell out a thousand dollars or create an extravagant night. We want you to plan the evening and make it special for the two of us. Its not that hard people.
So I do believe in dating and I believe that the idea that it has been warped to benefit "The Man" is true. But I also believe that men have warped it to this state because they refuse to step out of the box and go the extra mile to plan an original date. As for going out to find a lady and the anxiety it instills on all parties, well this happens regardless of whether you are at a bookstore, Laundromat, or bar. It just happens that nightspots have a large concentration of it because it is random people out on the town for a good time and adventure.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
The Date You Only See on Movies
Ever since I left Milwaukee my experiences with picking up men have been much more progressive and slightly effortless.
I went on a date with my beautiful dancing dread man, Stones, who we met in Simple is the Key.
This meeting which turned into a date was very impromptu. I had an extra ticket for a wine and cheese event at Projects Gallery in Philly and he was the one available person for the night to join me.
We met there, had two glasses of wine, conversed, laughed, and looked at art for about an hour. It was nice and easy; something you just do with friends. The night was young so we decided to head to another location for one more glass of wine and conversation. The wine was definitely settling in a bit more for Stones; bringing down his inhibitions. He is the nervous type. Not knowing what to say or do around women and talking a ton to hopefully make him seem at ease. So the wine helped him to relax and just be himself. Luckily, I have had practice in these "situations" and am a bit of a wino, so I was still holding my ground.
We hit up Red Sky on Market St. The place was cute and probably turned into a nightclub later. The red wine was watery, which I should have figured being that the bartender couldn't even pronounce Merlot correctly. Quite amusing, but regardless we were there to chat and once again, let go of all inhibitions.
In the moment, I decided to take this opportunity to work on my seduction skills to get what I wanted since he was not being an aggressor. What is it that I wanted from him? Affection, attention, and aggression. I like a guy who takes control so I was going to make him take the reigns.
With half a glass down, Janet Jackson's "Don't Stop" pulsing in the background, and my knees enclosed around Stone's thigh he knew I was giving permission to test the waters. Stones leans into me and sings an original piece he wrote in my ear. So sweet.
He took my hand and led me to Penn's Landing where fireworks were going off and boats were pushing their way through the water. Yes, ladies and gentleman, this really did happen. LOL!
We walked to the concert area and took over the space with our own renditions of songs and dances. Teeheehee...performers. He twirled around me with his remixed Michael Jackson moves that went from popping and gliding to slow dancing hand in hand. I sat on the concert steps and listened to him sing another one of his songs. Then he walked over wrapped his arms around me and gave me sweet sweet caramel kisses as a cool breeze blew his dreads over my shoulders.
Did I mention before that I drool over dreads. Their naturalness and connection to the earth is just gorgeous.
This beautiful moment brought to you by Tiffany and Stones was interrupted by a security guard yelling "Closing Up!". We laughed at how unreal our meeting, date, whatever it is turned out and began walking toward the car. The walk was littered with kissing finger tips, laughter, and noses touching our chins and throats.
The sweetest part of the whole deal is that we knew good and well that we aren't going to see each other again. I head to Michigan in two weeks and he will be staying in Philly.
Another kiss goodbye and we walked our separate ways.
I woke up this morning with a little red line down the side of my throat from our night. Embarrassing, but in a sense, a nice memory from a walk to remember.
Go ahead and tear your heart out. This story is for real. Now if I can just somehow make dates like these develop and last...
I went on a date with my beautiful dancing dread man, Stones, who we met in Simple is the Key.
This meeting which turned into a date was very impromptu. I had an extra ticket for a wine and cheese event at Projects Gallery in Philly and he was the one available person for the night to join me.
We met there, had two glasses of wine, conversed, laughed, and looked at art for about an hour. It was nice and easy; something you just do with friends. The night was young so we decided to head to another location for one more glass of wine and conversation. The wine was definitely settling in a bit more for Stones; bringing down his inhibitions. He is the nervous type. Not knowing what to say or do around women and talking a ton to hopefully make him seem at ease. So the wine helped him to relax and just be himself. Luckily, I have had practice in these "situations" and am a bit of a wino, so I was still holding my ground.
We hit up Red Sky on Market St. The place was cute and probably turned into a nightclub later. The red wine was watery, which I should have figured being that the bartender couldn't even pronounce Merlot correctly. Quite amusing, but regardless we were there to chat and once again, let go of all inhibitions.
In the moment, I decided to take this opportunity to work on my seduction skills to get what I wanted since he was not being an aggressor. What is it that I wanted from him? Affection, attention, and aggression. I like a guy who takes control so I was going to make him take the reigns.
With half a glass down, Janet Jackson's "Don't Stop" pulsing in the background, and my knees enclosed around Stone's thigh he knew I was giving permission to test the waters. Stones leans into me and sings an original piece he wrote in my ear. So sweet.
He took my hand and led me to Penn's Landing where fireworks were going off and boats were pushing their way through the water. Yes, ladies and gentleman, this really did happen. LOL!
We walked to the concert area and took over the space with our own renditions of songs and dances. Teeheehee...performers. He twirled around me with his remixed Michael Jackson moves that went from popping and gliding to slow dancing hand in hand. I sat on the concert steps and listened to him sing another one of his songs. Then he walked over wrapped his arms around me and gave me sweet sweet caramel kisses as a cool breeze blew his dreads over my shoulders.
Did I mention before that I drool over dreads. Their naturalness and connection to the earth is just gorgeous.
This beautiful moment brought to you by Tiffany and Stones was interrupted by a security guard yelling "Closing Up!". We laughed at how unreal our meeting, date, whatever it is turned out and began walking toward the car. The walk was littered with kissing finger tips, laughter, and noses touching our chins and throats.
The sweetest part of the whole deal is that we knew good and well that we aren't going to see each other again. I head to Michigan in two weeks and he will be staying in Philly.
Another kiss goodbye and we walked our separate ways.
I woke up this morning with a little red line down the side of my throat from our night. Embarrassing, but in a sense, a nice memory from a walk to remember.
Go ahead and tear your heart out. This story is for real. Now if I can just somehow make dates like these develop and last...
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
This is Why They Don't Call
I think I have had one of Oprah's "aha moments". Here is what happened...
Yesterday while driving back from Atlanta I got a phone call from Mr. DJ. I told him we were still on our way back. He should have already known, considering that I gave him this same information Friday as I was heading to Atlanta.
Mr. DJ said he was hoping to see me tonight. Ok, that is flattering but at the same time eager beaverish.
Then he asked me to call when I got home. I said alright, and told him that would be back between 11pm and 12pm. I got a text at 11:18pm checking to see if I had gotten home yet, which I had not. I called at 11:33pm, obviously tired, and told him I was headed to bed. Then I got a text at 9:30am the following day asking if I was up yet. *Sigh*
I texted him at 11am saying that I was running errands with my mom and using the day to recuperate from the weekend, so I would call him later in the day. He responded back, "Cool. Have a nice day." I thought, great, time for me to chill and not feel pressured.
9:20pm rolls around pretty quickly and I get a phone call from Mr. DJ. Yes, I did say I would call, and its nearly the end of the day, but come on! Can you let me do it in my time. And this is when I have my epiphany.
In our last episode I talk about Mr. Jackie, the guy I actually liked. Well... I think I may have been doing the same sort of bug-a-boo thing to him. We hung out one night and said that we would hang out again. I thought we were on the same page with how much we wanted to get together again, because he told me to call whenever I had a moment. So, I did. And when I did not hear from him I would check in to see what was going on. To me it may have seemed as if checking in after two hours was alright, but if the scenario is playing out like the one described above with Mr. DJ I see this is too much.
Now at the same time, I have to say that I was getting texts talking about him thinking of me, wanting to see me, replaying moments in his head, blah blah blah. When I responded to these comments with, plans to actually get together I would receive no response back or some excuse as to what he was doing. Even when he told me to call once I got home, I did, twice, and have yet to hear from him.
Ok...
I just went over the text messages for the weekend. Yes, I know I am a little sprung, but you all know you do the same thing in the privacy of your homes. So don't hate.
There is no way I am going crazy with how he was feeling about me. The problem is, as it is with Mr. DJ, I was too available. I know Mr. DJ will drop anything in a heart beat to hang out with me. He is constantly asking when is the next time we are going to get together and when he can see my beautiful eyes. I know that he would pay for everything if I let him and I could do nearly anything and he would still adore me.
The same goes for Jackie.
When I was in town, if Jackie wanted me to wait on him, I would have waited. If he wanted me to leave a party to see him, I would have left the party to see him. If he wanted me to spend time with him instead of taking my morning jog, I would have done it. Sprung and way too available. Men need to feel the chase, otherwise they are not interested.
Now that I have recognized this, how can I reverse it. I want to make him feel as if he has to work for me. That will put us on the same playing field and not make me a throw away.
We are in two totally different states, so in reality, this does not matter as much. But this is an experiment. And I feel used, abused, and am going to turn the situation around so that it benefits me! Isn't that partially what this is all about? Allowing the lady to get what she wants.
I want him to walk across four states to get me. This is going to be difficult, but I think I am ready for a tricky challenge. Watch out mista' you ain't seen nothing yet.
Yesterday while driving back from Atlanta I got a phone call from Mr. DJ. I told him we were still on our way back. He should have already known, considering that I gave him this same information Friday as I was heading to Atlanta.
Mr. DJ said he was hoping to see me tonight. Ok, that is flattering but at the same time eager beaverish.
Then he asked me to call when I got home. I said alright, and told him that would be back between 11pm and 12pm. I got a text at 11:18pm checking to see if I had gotten home yet, which I had not. I called at 11:33pm, obviously tired, and told him I was headed to bed. Then I got a text at 9:30am the following day asking if I was up yet. *Sigh*
I texted him at 11am saying that I was running errands with my mom and using the day to recuperate from the weekend, so I would call him later in the day. He responded back, "Cool. Have a nice day." I thought, great, time for me to chill and not feel pressured.
9:20pm rolls around pretty quickly and I get a phone call from Mr. DJ. Yes, I did say I would call, and its nearly the end of the day, but come on! Can you let me do it in my time. And this is when I have my epiphany.
In our last episode I talk about Mr. Jackie, the guy I actually liked. Well... I think I may have been doing the same sort of bug-a-boo thing to him. We hung out one night and said that we would hang out again. I thought we were on the same page with how much we wanted to get together again, because he told me to call whenever I had a moment. So, I did. And when I did not hear from him I would check in to see what was going on. To me it may have seemed as if checking in after two hours was alright, but if the scenario is playing out like the one described above with Mr. DJ I see this is too much.
Now at the same time, I have to say that I was getting texts talking about him thinking of me, wanting to see me, replaying moments in his head, blah blah blah. When I responded to these comments with, plans to actually get together I would receive no response back or some excuse as to what he was doing. Even when he told me to call once I got home, I did, twice, and have yet to hear from him.
Ok...
I just went over the text messages for the weekend. Yes, I know I am a little sprung, but you all know you do the same thing in the privacy of your homes. So don't hate.
There is no way I am going crazy with how he was feeling about me. The problem is, as it is with Mr. DJ, I was too available. I know Mr. DJ will drop anything in a heart beat to hang out with me. He is constantly asking when is the next time we are going to get together and when he can see my beautiful eyes. I know that he would pay for everything if I let him and I could do nearly anything and he would still adore me.
The same goes for Jackie.
When I was in town, if Jackie wanted me to wait on him, I would have waited. If he wanted me to leave a party to see him, I would have left the party to see him. If he wanted me to spend time with him instead of taking my morning jog, I would have done it. Sprung and way too available. Men need to feel the chase, otherwise they are not interested.
Now that I have recognized this, how can I reverse it. I want to make him feel as if he has to work for me. That will put us on the same playing field and not make me a throw away.
We are in two totally different states, so in reality, this does not matter as much. But this is an experiment. And I feel used, abused, and am going to turn the situation around so that it benefits me! Isn't that partially what this is all about? Allowing the lady to get what she wants.
I want him to walk across four states to get me. This is going to be difficult, but I think I am ready for a tricky challenge. Watch out mista' you ain't seen nothing yet.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
The Date
Imagine that, I finally got what I wanted. Well, at least 70% of it.
I am in Atlanta visiting family for Carnival Weekend. Of course, I can't allow an opportunity for hunting pass me by. I call up an old friend from college who lives in the area. Jackie was an admissions counselor at my college while I was there. The year I graduated is the same year that he accepted a job in Atlanta, therefore circumstances made it alright for us to converse in public. He is 32, 5ft. 4inches, good looking, smart, motivated,and a gentleman. I never thought about pursuing him until we actually hung out.
Isn't it amazing how the ones who are really for us end up being people we know.
Jackie has a problem of being a bit of a flake. His tail will keep you waiting all day while he is running about doing who knows what. The only reason why I deal with it is because I don't have any other options and I want this one. For once I found a man that I actually LIKE and WANT. Uhhh so frustrating! I find my type and I can't really have him because we don't live in the same area.
Jackie gets me around midnight and we head to The Highlands to grab a drink. Granted, I was already pretty loose after having 4 shots of tequila with my family, but I was ready for some more fun. Carnival weekend, enough said.
I have on my "F Me Dress" and dancing heels just to be sure he realizes the importance of spending ALL of his time very wisely with me. The first bar is a Frat scene. Not my style, but I choke it down in order to work some magic. We have lovely conversation. I keep my eyes glued to him with one hand, ever-so-gently, brushing his thigh. I can tell he is nervous because he keeps on smiling and looking away. Plus he only touches his fingertips to my knees as if he is scared of crossing the line. Its really adorable.
Before we head to the next bar I go to the bathroom, because something below is definitely off kilter. *Sigh* Why did Monet come to town.
Allow me to introduce you to Monet. She is my period. I named her because she is always with me. Such a beautiful thing that brings tons of complications. Tonight she is annoying because her presence places physical limitations. Yes, I like to have the option of going there if necessary, and I don't want to have to worry about accidents on my "F Me Dress"!
We leave the bar and head to another up the street for one more drink. As we walk to this bar I hook my arm in his until he decides we should hold hands instead. Homeboy started getting bold.
The next bar offers wine so I get a glass while Jackie gets some other coke concoction. As we are waiting for the drinks he massages my back. I tell him he can press harder. Hahaha, I'm such a lil flirt. Anyway he steps into me and presses harder. I can tell he is enjoying all of this.
WE grab a table outside of this adorable bar and chat some more. Jackie is a poet and he tells me that he is a hopeless romantic, hence the reason why many of his poems are about women. Can a girl ask for more? I'm really feeling him and he is saying all of the right things. He is completely honest about his feelings towards me and his wants. My ass is now a hot mess because I want him, but I am not about to be "playing house", as WL#1 would say. "Playing House" is acting as if you are in a relationship, although you know after a certain amount of time you all have to go on with your lives.
I tell him this, and he just continues to say that I have him for today and whatever other time we may scrounge up this weekend. Yes, I agreed to "playing house" although I shouldn't have.
Then we kiss.
We decide to continue our night, so we hop in his car and head back to his place to talk some more since the bars in the area were closing.
When we arrived at his adorable apartment we didn't have the chance to talk much. In the middle of it all, I think to myself, if there was an opportunity for this to be something for real, there is no way I would have gone to his place. But, since I only had him for the night I was going to take what I could get.
After a few hours he takes me back to my weekend lodging. Now ladies - please, please, please - whether you are doing the walk of shame or just leaving a location with a man; never look busted. Straighten your dress, fix your makeup, and comb your hair. You should look the same way you came in. Keep it classy.
Shit, I looked damn good when I walked out to his car and up my family's driveway.
We decided to get together at least once more this weekend. Has this happened? I would say not. Once again, flaky. Usually, I would push a guy to the side with this sort of habit, but since he is someone I want, it is much harder. I do wonder if we left out the physical portions of the night would he have been more adamant about actually getting together again or would it be the same. Honestly, I think it would be the same. And actions like that do not go over well with me. I am not an Easy Bake Oven. Popping me in then shooting me out. Uh uh!
I will say, although things had no chance of progressing I had a great time. And in actuality kind of met my goal. I say kind of because we did not have dinner and I do not get to follow this up. But I do know that he appreciates me as I do him. Also this shows me that there is hope in finding the right guy for me after all.
I am in Atlanta visiting family for Carnival Weekend. Of course, I can't allow an opportunity for hunting pass me by. I call up an old friend from college who lives in the area. Jackie was an admissions counselor at my college while I was there. The year I graduated is the same year that he accepted a job in Atlanta, therefore circumstances made it alright for us to converse in public. He is 32, 5ft. 4inches, good looking, smart, motivated,and a gentleman. I never thought about pursuing him until we actually hung out.
Isn't it amazing how the ones who are really for us end up being people we know.
Jackie has a problem of being a bit of a flake. His tail will keep you waiting all day while he is running about doing who knows what. The only reason why I deal with it is because I don't have any other options and I want this one. For once I found a man that I actually LIKE and WANT. Uhhh so frustrating! I find my type and I can't really have him because we don't live in the same area.
Jackie gets me around midnight and we head to The Highlands to grab a drink. Granted, I was already pretty loose after having 4 shots of tequila with my family, but I was ready for some more fun. Carnival weekend, enough said.
I have on my "F Me Dress" and dancing heels just to be sure he realizes the importance of spending ALL of his time very wisely with me. The first bar is a Frat scene. Not my style, but I choke it down in order to work some magic. We have lovely conversation. I keep my eyes glued to him with one hand, ever-so-gently, brushing his thigh. I can tell he is nervous because he keeps on smiling and looking away. Plus he only touches his fingertips to my knees as if he is scared of crossing the line. Its really adorable.
Before we head to the next bar I go to the bathroom, because something below is definitely off kilter. *Sigh* Why did Monet come to town.
Allow me to introduce you to Monet. She is my period. I named her because she is always with me. Such a beautiful thing that brings tons of complications. Tonight she is annoying because her presence places physical limitations. Yes, I like to have the option of going there if necessary, and I don't want to have to worry about accidents on my "F Me Dress"!
We leave the bar and head to another up the street for one more drink. As we walk to this bar I hook my arm in his until he decides we should hold hands instead. Homeboy started getting bold.
The next bar offers wine so I get a glass while Jackie gets some other coke concoction. As we are waiting for the drinks he massages my back. I tell him he can press harder. Hahaha, I'm such a lil flirt. Anyway he steps into me and presses harder. I can tell he is enjoying all of this.
WE grab a table outside of this adorable bar and chat some more. Jackie is a poet and he tells me that he is a hopeless romantic, hence the reason why many of his poems are about women. Can a girl ask for more? I'm really feeling him and he is saying all of the right things. He is completely honest about his feelings towards me and his wants. My ass is now a hot mess because I want him, but I am not about to be "playing house", as WL#1 would say. "Playing House" is acting as if you are in a relationship, although you know after a certain amount of time you all have to go on with your lives.
I tell him this, and he just continues to say that I have him for today and whatever other time we may scrounge up this weekend. Yes, I agreed to "playing house" although I shouldn't have.
Then we kiss.
We decide to continue our night, so we hop in his car and head back to his place to talk some more since the bars in the area were closing.
When we arrived at his adorable apartment we didn't have the chance to talk much. In the middle of it all, I think to myself, if there was an opportunity for this to be something for real, there is no way I would have gone to his place. But, since I only had him for the night I was going to take what I could get.
After a few hours he takes me back to my weekend lodging. Now ladies - please, please, please - whether you are doing the walk of shame or just leaving a location with a man; never look busted. Straighten your dress, fix your makeup, and comb your hair. You should look the same way you came in. Keep it classy.
Shit, I looked damn good when I walked out to his car and up my family's driveway.
We decided to get together at least once more this weekend. Has this happened? I would say not. Once again, flaky. Usually, I would push a guy to the side with this sort of habit, but since he is someone I want, it is much harder. I do wonder if we left out the physical portions of the night would he have been more adamant about actually getting together again or would it be the same. Honestly, I think it would be the same. And actions like that do not go over well with me. I am not an Easy Bake Oven. Popping me in then shooting me out. Uh uh!
I will say, although things had no chance of progressing I had a great time. And in actuality kind of met my goal. I say kind of because we did not have dinner and I do not get to follow this up. But I do know that he appreciates me as I do him. Also this shows me that there is hope in finding the right guy for me after all.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
My Platonic Friend
Mr. DJ, who we met in our last episode, messaged me on facebook asking for my phone number. I told him that I enjoy making new friends, but if he is trying to do anything more than that, then I will not be passing on my phone number. We ended up exchanging numbers. I only know so many people in the area, so why not?
Three days later, I was the victim of a series of unfortunate events while attempting to hunt for men solo. So I decided to call him in hopes that the company and attention would improve my night.
When Mr. DJ and I spoke on the phone, he stated that I was a platonic friend so he did not have to get dressed for the night. I laughed and told him that was fine, but I would still be looking good. Why was he smelling of cologne and looking all sweet when he picked me up? MmmmHmmm, platonic friend my ass.
We headed to P.J. Whelihans which is a great bar/ restaurant for first time "meet-ups". TVs lined the walls and two guitarists sat on the porch playing for a small crowd. We opted for the bar area, put in our order of a rum and pineapple and a Heinekin with appetizers, and began to get to know each other a little better.
He made me laugh with his crazy stories about women picking him up in Jamaica and his ridiculous metaphors that only Caribbean people can put together. The funniest thing of the evening was how he ended every couple of sentences with "my platonic friend". He stated those words but his physical mannerisms were not representative of it. I never felt uncomfortable throughout the night, but he definitely cop'd a stroke of the thigh, a grab at the hand, and a kiss on the cheek. Mr. DJ has a way of turning almost everything into a joke. Although his touches, gazes, and flattery were all for fun there was truth under it all. Yep he wanted some of this, but I handled it by making it clear that we were only going to be friends. He heard me well and verbally agreed, but I don't know how well he actually listened to my statement.
Mr. DJ is a very generous and sweet person. I really enjoyed our evening together because he gave me the attention I wanted. Yes this is selfish, but its the truth. The problem with this is that I need to learn how to not lead people on. I have a tendancy to flirt and be suggestive even when I know that if he had the chance he would hop on this. Its nearly the same way I act with other male friends but I should be taking a step back since he does have a little crush.
We are supposed to get together again this coming week. I am not going to be a tease, but I am going to be myself and figure out how to be a real platonic friend.
Three days later, I was the victim of a series of unfortunate events while attempting to hunt for men solo. So I decided to call him in hopes that the company and attention would improve my night.
When Mr. DJ and I spoke on the phone, he stated that I was a platonic friend so he did not have to get dressed for the night. I laughed and told him that was fine, but I would still be looking good. Why was he smelling of cologne and looking all sweet when he picked me up? MmmmHmmm, platonic friend my ass.
We headed to P.J. Whelihans which is a great bar/ restaurant for first time "meet-ups". TVs lined the walls and two guitarists sat on the porch playing for a small crowd. We opted for the bar area, put in our order of a rum and pineapple and a Heinekin with appetizers, and began to get to know each other a little better.
He made me laugh with his crazy stories about women picking him up in Jamaica and his ridiculous metaphors that only Caribbean people can put together. The funniest thing of the evening was how he ended every couple of sentences with "my platonic friend". He stated those words but his physical mannerisms were not representative of it. I never felt uncomfortable throughout the night, but he definitely cop'd a stroke of the thigh, a grab at the hand, and a kiss on the cheek. Mr. DJ has a way of turning almost everything into a joke. Although his touches, gazes, and flattery were all for fun there was truth under it all. Yep he wanted some of this, but I handled it by making it clear that we were only going to be friends. He heard me well and verbally agreed, but I don't know how well he actually listened to my statement.
Mr. DJ is a very generous and sweet person. I really enjoyed our evening together because he gave me the attention I wanted. Yes this is selfish, but its the truth. The problem with this is that I need to learn how to not lead people on. I have a tendancy to flirt and be suggestive even when I know that if he had the chance he would hop on this. Its nearly the same way I act with other male friends but I should be taking a step back since he does have a little crush.
We are supposed to get together again this coming week. I am not going to be a tease, but I am going to be myself and figure out how to be a real platonic friend.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)